Good morning all. How are you dong this morning? I hope you are all healthy & happy.

I miss seeing Mom online in the mornings. That is usually our time to chat, she's already at work when I get up, so I'd planned my morning routine around that. I get online, she's there, we chat, I blog, we chat some more, then she had to go and I need to get moving. It works out very well. Now, while she's without power/electricity/phone it's hard to even have a phone conversation (you can't get through, the phone lines are all jacked up). Yes, I realize I am only thinking about me... but I love my Mom & really enjoy talking to her every morning.

Tomorrow will only be a half day for Tancy. They go in and take the test first thing in the morning. She's more than ready. She told me Tuesday, after the first day of review that she had made some dumb mistakes on the test and she had to own that responsibility... that no matter what the test was like, she just had to be smarter. I was proud of her for being confident that she could do it. Yesterday she was telling me about the review. Apparently John (one of the instructors who has been there for ever) and Heather (the terrible test maker) brought them in one by one to go over what they missed. When the last guy came in and they were going over the EXACT same information with him as the others John turned to Heather and said "Are you seeing a pattern?" I think it comforted her to know they all got hung up on the same things in some weird way. But more than anything, she's just ready to take it and be done!

Today I really need to get the house work finished. I still have some dishes and some laundry to get done. Plus I want to try out the steam cleaner today at some point. I'll have to do the couch or the love seat today & then do the other tomorrow. Outside of that, I don't have much planned for today... I know, boring!

Oh! Aunt Jan, whilst at Wal-Mart yesterday, I did look at the pregnancy tests since you were telling me about one that could detect super early... the soonest they can detect is 3 days before your missed period and only with a 53% accuracy. Just FYI. So, no go. We will just have to wait till the 9th! I know, I am bummed too... but whatcha gonna do?! I think a blood test is really the only way to tell early, and they wont do one early... so we wait. I love that you are excited!!

Our kids are going to be so lucky. Great family, good friends (our chosen family) and a love for them so strong before they even exist! Both sides of their family is tight knit and very loving... plus there's extra family (Aunt Jan) that just doesn't compare to anything else I can think of. It's almost like having three grandmothers (for me anyway). Without going into great detail about my relationship with Aunt Jan I can say that growing up she was an extension of my Mom, a second Mom in many ways... My Mom want it that way given that her Mom passed away when she was very young. So, today, at nearly 30 years old, I still very much see her that way... and believe that she will be as near to an additional grandmother to my children as is possible. I may be wrong... but thats my feeling on it.

I am so lucky! LOL. I have a wonderful mother, a terrific Aunt Jan and an unbelievable mother-in-law (I mean unbelievable in a good way, not typical mother-in-law "unbelievable"). I have my little sis, whom I have loved more than I could ever explain since the day she was born. I have sisters-in-law who love me as their own and cousins-in-law (Missy, you know how much I love you) who are terrific and I am so thrilled to have in my life. I have such a great support system with friends and family. I have had to work very hard for some of my relationships, but it has always been worth it. I could honestly list everyone out that I feel so fortunate to have in my life, but really.. who has the time or inclination to read all that sap?! I am sure that Tancy feels lucky to have the family & friends we have too... but I do my best not to speak for her, even though that doesn't always work out! Haha!

And here I was thinking I didn't have anything to blog about today! I am certainly in better spirits today that I was Tuesday. Yesterday I was in an ok mood... just needed to be out of the house. Getting sick doesn't really help matters much. Today I am in a good mood and feeling reflective and appreciative of the life I have. I have to be very careful not to develop a "poor me" attitude. I have been given so many gifts in life, I can't possibly complain when I stop to think about that.

Oh, update on things at home. My Dads oldest brother has power, so Maw-Maw was going to stay with him till her power is back on. She has a really hard time breathing in the heat and humidity. My Moms youngest brother also has power, so Mom & Dad were going to try to bring the camper over there and plug in. I hope they managed to find a level spot (that was their concern) to set up. I can't imagine being in South Louisiana in September without power! It has to be like a sauna! It's always hot & humid there, but having a/c to escape to helps. Take that way and it's just miserable I am sure. The plants that they work at are still without power (as of yesterday around noon) and Mom said that Dad's report (from going in to work) was that you just wouldn't believe the damage. They were fortunate that all they ended up with was cosmetic damage. The phones (cell) work intermittently, the home phone is out. Another big concern there is fuel, or lack thereof.

Ok kids. I think that's all I got for now. I hope you all have a great Thursday. I know clean-up is in progress at my parents. Still wishing I was there to help. Pops has to go to work, so Mom is there doing what she can. I know they can do it without me, but I'd sure like to be there to help.

Love to all!
Me

Good evening. How's everyone? I hope you are all healthy & happy.

So today has been a fairly uneventful day. I needed to get out of the house & happened to need to run a few errands too! How convenient!! I went to Wal-Mart to get a few things like deoderant, tooth brushes, shampoo & ended up with a steam cleaner. Now, I know this must seem like a tremendous jump... but I have been looking for one for a while (to clean the couches... with inside dogs this is important periodically) and it was reasonably priced!

From there I went to see our fish guy, take him a water sample and get some critters for the aquarium. The water looked good so we got some snails, a cleaner shrimp & our anemone. He's a great guy and his wife and son were there. I talked to her a bit, that was nice... the last time she was in it was kinda weird, almost like meeting a new or ex-girlfriend. Doesn't make any sense, I know. Just trying to put it to words.

So I headed home, put the fish (in their bags) in the water to sit for 15 before I could put them in the tank. Started unloading groceries and the rest of my plunder from Wal-Mart. Once that was done it was time to put the snails, shrimp & anemone in the water. I checked to see if Jan-e-poo was on meebo, she wasn't... checked my email and looked at a property on GIS. Tancy called to say she was on her way home, so I started dinner. It was done as she walked in the door! I love it when that happens.

We sat down and ate. What you might ask? Well, I made shrimp burritos... build your own, with sweet vidalia onions, guac, home made salsa, fresh tomatoes, sour cream and jalapeno peppers. Yummy. We each at one, now we are full. Tancy changed clothes and checked out the tank. I got on the computer. Tancy is now playing a video game... so I am in no hurry to get off the computer now. LOL.

Something happened Sunday night that I haven't shared with anyone other than those here at the time. But I feel like I need to tell the story now and see if anyone has any input on it. So here goes:
Tancy was in the music room/office, Mandy was on the love seat facing the kitchen table reading a magazine (sitting with her back to the double windows on the front of the house), I had just sat down on the couch with the kitchen table to my right, but I was halfway facing the kitchen, Lauren was in the kitchen against the far wall at the mixer working on brownies. Now, remember Mandy is reading a magazine and I am actually facing the kitchen. Suddenly I see a glass move across the dining area and fall under the table. Now it was almost like it was floating... but faster. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought Lauren threw it, but I knew where she was standing. I look at the globes on the light fixture above the table, nope, they are all still there. I can't figure out what it is or where it came from. We are all a little freaked. Lauren saw the same thing I did. I get up to get the broom and start sweeping up glass. Then I realize what it is, uhm, was. It was the sniffer of Paw-Paw Leo's that Maw-Maw had given me the last time I was in Louisiana. Now I am upset. And even more confused. You see that sniffer was on top of the fridge, in the center and a little toward the back, behind a wooden tray with a scent diffuser on it. If it had fallen off the fridge, which would have been virtually impossible, it would have just fallen to the floor.... It landed about 8 feet away (I verified distance with Tancy), under the table. We all discuss what we have seen... its the same for Me & Lauren, Mandy just caught it out of the corner of her eye and Tancy wasn't in the room.

Now, I have no explaination for this. This is the first time anything like this has happened in the house. I promptly smudged all of us and each nook and cranny of the house. I haven't felt or seen anything since. The only thing that may or may not be something is that Hemmi barked (in his kennel, in our bedroom) last night when we were already in bed and settled for the night, at nothing at all, for about 5 minutes. Then he settled down. No reason that I could see.

Ok, thoughts?!

I'll leave you with that for now. I have a drawing of the house, but I can't seem to figure out how to get it on here.

Love to all!
Me

Helpless

Always waiting for the teim,
and looking for the place.
Never knowing that its now,
and its staring you in the face.

You overlook the obvious,
and ignore the facts.
But one day it will hit you,
and lay you flat on your back.

The words, I can't, I don't understand,
and I don't know how
are your favorite stand-bys.
But what I want to know is,
how can you say that
and never even try.

When there's trouble,
you know where to look.
As if you found it written,
in the pages of a book.

Someone will always be here,
to answer your helpless call
and to your own detriment,
you'll never know what its like to fall.

Jodie D.

Poor Me

It hurts and I don't like it.
I want it right now.
Why can't it be my way.
Poor me, Poor me, Poor me.

What about those without a home,
no food on the table?
How about those who have been thrown away,
without love and understanding?

This is the worst thing in the world.
I can't believe this is happening.
Do you know how much this cost me?
Poor me, Poor me, Poor me.

Did you ever think about the many,
who lost everything?
Or those who are all alone,
but managed to see the good?

No, all you could think was
Poor me, Poor me, Poor me

Jodie D.

Misguided

I can see it in your eyes,
feel it in your touch.
Might as well be written across the sky,
just as soon say as much.

You think you hide so well,
and no one can say a word.
Confessions you will never tell,
not even to yourself.

It's flattering, don't get me wrong,
but totally misguided.
We'll talk about it before too long,
and you will just deny it.

You know I know,
but you wont admitt.
And I know you know,
even though you try to quit.

Please just let it be,
we are friends,
you and me,
and that means more to me than anything.

Jodie D.

Your Number

Don't act like you know me,
please don't presume.
You think you can show me
just what to do.

Pretending to give a shit,
smilng, making pleasantries.
I'd bet you can't take a hit,
your shell would shatter to pieces.

I can see through you,
make up my own games.
Play them better than you,
wouldn't you hate it if you knew.

So just keep shaking hands
and kissing babies.
I am sure you are popular with most,
but don't act like you know me,
you're not even close.

Jodie D.

Good morning all. I hope this finds you all healthy & happy.

It's good to hear that the damage at my parents is mostly cosmetic. Also great to learn that Aunt Jan's Mom fared their storms without incident. This storm has certainly had me twisted in knots. My heart is certainly in Louisiana. I wish I could be there to help with the clean up and anything else that they need. I am sure they can handle it on their own.. but I still want to help in some way.

Seems I caught Marlie's cold. My throat has been sore since yesterday morning & I have some congestion. On top of that, my tummy has not been well for the last two days (unrelated to Marlie I am sure). I really dislike being sick. And its one of those kinds of sick where you just feel crappy, but you are still completely capable of doing everything you normally do... you just don't want to.

My crappy mood carried through the day all yesterday. I managed to get most of my house work done. Plus I painted our bedroom. That's right, I painted our bedroom. I have some touch ups to do... but I finally got that second coat on the walls we've needed. I thought it would help my temperament... it didn't. Poor Tancy. She got home, I was still in a shitty mood. It wasn't until sometime after she got home that I managed to pull it together. I honestly don't know what the hell was wrong with me. I don't usually have PMS & when I do, it isn't anything like yesterday, if anything I am usually weepy with what PMS I have. Well, that's my view of it, I guess you would have to ask Tancy for a bit more accuracy. Maybe its hormones. I have no clue. I just know I didn't even want to be around myself!

Today I need to finish the work I didn't do in the house yesterday and go to Lowes for an air filter for the riding mower. IF I feel a bit better I need to take the trash to the dump too... but I don't know if I will manage that today.

I had the strangest dreams last night. There were a bunch of us girls in NC on vacation together. My Mom & Dad were there and we went to a Rhianna concert. Yeah, that's right!! LMAO. Anyway, there were these information pamphletes there and Mom & Dad had been investigating some fraud for Rhianna. Also, turns out she liked to play both sides of the field. Mom and Dad knew her very well and their jobs (which were the same as they are now) brought them into contact with lots of famous people. Mom said "Things aren't always what they seem." It was very interesting. Then a bunch of us were going to a water park. Lil Jen & Slo Jenn were there and seemed to be some main characters. Lil Jen is preggers and we were talking about things you should & shouldn't do. There was another girl there, from NC who we never see... so it's really weird she was in my dreams. Anyway, she was planning what we were going to do & taking in to consideration that Lil Jen is pregnant. She looks at me & says "You're not pregnant too, are you?!" I said that I didn't know yet, we were waiting to take our test still. That I thought we could be... but have learned not to trust that because sometimes your hopes just get too high. So they all started in "If you don't KNOW you are pregnant, then you aren't." Lil Jen said she knew immediately, that there were signs and symptoms right off the bat. I felt like they were ganging up on me and suddenly I felt down. (Now you have to know that this would never really happen. And that Lil Jen is nothing but a wonderful person to be able to talk to about it all.) Anyway, they all continued to convince me that I couldn't possibly be pregnant because I didn't KNOW I was pregnant.
From there it seems I was back in school and getting into trouble for being late for a math class for associating with mobsters. ?? What?? I wasn't associating with mobsters, but I didn't have a good reason for being late. One of the guys I went to junior high with was there too & he was letting me look off his paper to figure out what we were doing, but it was some advanced crap that I had never seen before.
Also I had a sparrow (gold and yellow for some reason) tattooed on my right shoulder cap. It was suppose to mean something, though that escapes me now. I was so proud of it. But no one seemed to notice and when I pointed it out, no one liked it.

I am sure there are hidden meanings, or meanings obvious to everyone but me in these dreams... they were very strange and are sticking with me still.

It gets harder and harder to wait on the 9th or take a test or wait for my period to start. I want to know!! I can honestly say that some things feel physically different, without my looking for something... but I also know that doesn't always mean anything. I do my best to keep busy so that I don't focus on it. But just like today, I feel like crap and would normally be taking something to help me not feel so bad (Nyquil, etc.) but I am suppose to "act" as if I am pregnant and not take anything I couldn't take if I were pregnant. Now, you tell me, how am I suppose to not focus on it?? To not wonder if I am? To not think about it at this point? I do my best, but sometimes that just isn't good enough. I want it so badly I just can't even find the right words to explain it... and I am afraid if I did, I would just sound pitiful and sad. I just can't wait, to be pregnant, for us to start our family.

Tancy is so great with kids (everyone talks about her teaching them bad things, but that isn't really who she is anymore... at least not the way she was at 18). She seems to understand them, she loves playing with them and reading stories and just watching their minds work. She's trying not to lean toward feeling like we are pregnant this time. But I know she's hopeful. I know she wants it as much as I do and that is such a wonderful feeling (keep in mind I haven't always had that).

The last days, probably seeing Marlie makes it all more intense, have been harder not to think about it one way or another. Yesterday didn't make it any easier either. All that went through my head while searching for an explanation for my mood was whether it was PMS or pregnancy hormones. PMS was a difficult possibility to consider... but thinking about being that bitchy for 9 months isn't exactly a comforting thought either! LOL.. Poor Tancy!

Well, enough about that. I can't allow myself much more time to focus on that.

So! It's Wednesday, that's good, right?! Short week. They gave Tancy and the others who didn't pass the test all week to study for the makeup test. In some ways it is good & in some it isn't. She's ready to take it...be done. She's confident she will pass it and is ready to move on. I am just ready for her to start shift since I know that's where she really wants to be. She's really SO over this whole training process. I think shift will present its own challenges for us, like schedule and routine. I will have to work hard to maintain my routine when she's working nights... and we will have to work on her days off to get things done that need done at the house and not just play those days away.

We are keeping an eye on Hanna, they seem to be expecting her to hit here this weekend. We will see. They aren't really sure what she'll do just now.

Alright kids, I think this is more than long enough. I hope you all have a great day today.

Love to all!
Me

If you would like to know more about the damage caused by Gustav near my hometown, go to:

www.2theadvocate.com

There are local stories, pictures, etc. Much different than what the weather channel or your own local news (unless of course you live in Louisiana) will be able to provide. They are saying the damage sustained is worse than Betsy. I can't even imagine. I wish I had gone home with Mom & Dad, I could be helping with the clean up.

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts regarding my family. It means the world to me.

I was bitching about the house earlier and really I have no right... I still have a house, free of trees laying on it. Everyone I love is safe, that's worth more than a clean kitchen any day.

Love to all!
Me

This is my third post for the day… and different from the other… wait this is my fourth post for the day. Anyway, it is different from the others.

How is it possible to have left a clean house on Friday & today EVERY room in the house needs to be put back together? I mean, the floor needed to be done on Friday, but everything else was fine. When we got home on Sunday it still seemed fairly put together. You know that no one puts things back where you had them but you… I have to not focus on that because it is always like that.

But I mean every room in the house? I had to put both spare bedrooms back in order. My painting, that was a work in progress, is M.I.A. I can’t even think about that right now… it’s upsetting me. The utility room is all out of whack, the kitchen, I am avoiding… it looks like a bomb went off in there. Wow!

It’s like I woke up in someone else’s house this morning. It’s really got me a little out of shape about it to be honest… so much that I stopped what I was doing to blog about it. I have to vent you know. ALL the dishes are strewn along every flat surface in the kitchen. I must have picked up a dozen glasses out of the living room, not to mention all the books that came from god knows where, the “tabs” that the girls were playing music from, the coasters that were under SOME of the glasses I picked up. Not to mention the magazine just left on the floor, tweezers out on the counter in the bathroom, wadded up WET wash rag on the counter(yuck!). Are you seeing the picture?

I am not bitching about anyone, just the scenario. I can’t wrap my brain around how an entire house ends up turned upside down… it wasn’t like we had a big ass party or something yesterday. Maybe it’s just that we cooked a lot of food & had a few people over and nothing, I mean NOTHING got picked up. I love having everyone over… but I guess I get frustrated to be left with such a mess the next day. Sure, I am not working, so I guess logic says I have the time… but a little help would be nice after such a long, emotional and tiring weekend; and cooking all that food. Load the dishwasher, hell, just throw the trash on the counter away. Put back what you moved. It isn't that I want it spotless when everyone leaves.

Ok, I need to stop because I am going to start sounding like a bitch in just a second. But ladies, if you are reading this, know that I LOVE it when we are all together. Some of my favorite times are of everyone at the house, cooking a big mess of food and just enjoying each others company.  But a little bit of help cleaning up before you leave would be greatly appreciated. It really is a lot to do when the crew blows through!

Thanks for reading... hopefully I don't sound like a complete asshole. I am just trying to vent & also find a way to ask for the help in picking up that I sometimes need. Maybe if the weekend had been different, it wouldn't seem so bad today. I don't always feel like this... but sometimes I do.

Love to all!
Me

Gustav was a category 3 when it made landfall.

My family was on the West side of Katrina. They were on the East side (the worst side) of Gustav.

They are still getting tons of rain, though thankfully the wind has eased.

I will probably talk to Mom in an hour or two & will update then.

Love to all!
Me