Yay! It's Friday and Tancy doesn't work this weekend. I am soo happy!

How's everyone this morning? I hope you are all fan-freakin-tastic!!

Yesterday I got up at my normal 5:00 - 5:30 with Tancy. Of course, you already know this. After she left I did my usual blog and check my emails, etc. Then I remembered I needed to go get Tancy's Naproxen (old knees). I decided to check out a couple of shops at the square and then go to Wal-Mart for some coin wrappers.

I got dressed and headed out. Both shops were closed. Oh well. Then to the pharmacy to get Tancy's Rx. Then off to Wal-Mart. I found what I needed fairly quickly and got out. I was thrilled. I headed home and started wrapping the change that my little soldier man bank has held for a while now. Wow, what a bitch coin wrapping is!

I finally got it all wrapped. I have a bit over $100. I was so proud. Then I got to thinking about something... I really want a Wii. Hmm, I wonder how far I am from having enough. I looked for suggested retail price - $150. Ok, I am not that far off. So I start looking for retailers. They want $249, greedy bastards! I get on Craigslist (truly one of my favorite sites) and look around. All of the good deals have already been snatched up. I'll have to be diligent about checking for new posts. I become obsessed with it for just a few minutes and then decide that it just isn't going to happen right now. We have done really well with pinching pennies and selling a few things we don't need, I don't want to screw it all up now and run out on an impulse and buy something we don't need. (I am trying to break that cycle.) If I do that now, I have undone all the hard work to this point. So, that's that.

I go make my salsa (Missy's recipe), it is so freakin good I could eat it with a spoon! OMG. Honestly. I also make the guacamole I have been craving... I decide to add some of the salsa to it..... wow! I can't decide which I like better and honestly, I could sit with both and a spoon and be very happy. Very gasy... but very happy. I do, however, manage to pry them out of my fat little hands and put them in the fridge.

In doing so, I notice that the fridge needs to be cleaned out. So be it. I get to work on that. Not fun, especially when your tummy isn't always kind to you. I made it through though and have more room in the fridge from doing so. I took the trash bag full of stuff outside and set about putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Once it was packed full I turned it out, washed my hands and took out dinner.

We were going to have chicken fried steak. I got it out, the milk and eggs and made my egg wash. I seasoned the wash and put the cube steaks in it to soak. Now there's plenty of room to put that in the fridge! Haha! Not long after that Tancy called, she was on her way home. Yay. I have truly missed her during the days. We talk about everything and just laugh and cut up... I miss that interaction during those long 12 hour days. We have both gotten so accustomed to spending alot of time together that this is a bigger adjustment than we thought it would be. Or maybe just more than I thought it would be. At any rate we are both very happy for the weekend together.

I started cooking dinner and it was ready not long after she walked in the door. It was delicious. We sat at the table and ate together, that's always nice, though we don't do it that often. Hopefully we will work on doing it more so we can have family dinners once our kids are older (when Tancy's not at work, obviously). After dinner Tancy talked to Jessi on the phone, Tancy has to work the weekend that Jessi and Joe were hoping to get married. So she needed possible dates from Tancy. I got on the phone with tech support to get Tancy's phone issues cleared up. Her new one will be here next week, then we should be set.

After that I gave Tancy a hair cut. I am not great at it, but she seems satisfied with the results. Then we got baths and to bed. I was asleep right around 7:00. I think Tancy was around 8:00. For whatever reason I was exhausted. The little one must be hitting a growth spurt or something. It was a good evening, just ended very early.

This morning I went through my normal routine and then I decided to do something that I think is incredibly smart. I posted some items (that I had previously listed for sale) for trade for a Wii! All with enough value to match that of the Wii, so now I just have to wait for someone who would want one of these items to see the post. Got my fingers crossed. LOL. How's that for thinking outside the box?! I am pretty proud of myself... but that doesn't mean it will work.

Anyway, that's all I got today. I need to finish up the laundry, didn't do much yesterday. I only have like one load to do, but I just put it off. Ugh. I also want to get any other necessary house work done so I can enjoy my weekend with my honey.

I hope you all have a great day and a wonderful weekend.

Love to all!

Good morning all. I am a little later than I expected to be with the blogging... but I had an email and then a phone conversation first. I enjoyed them both, so deal! Haha!

Yesterday was a good day. I talked to Casie and Daniele via email about a baby shower in Louisiana for us. I started working on the remaining addresses we needed for invitations (for LA, NC and OH). I sent out the LA and NC with a note that there would be updates because I was still missing addresses for some. I have to admit, it made me feel a bit excited that before we know it, we will have a baby.

I got dressed and headed out to do some grocery shopping and was able to pay cash for the groceries (with the money I got from selling my phone). There's something that just feels good about paying cash (when you didn't have to take it out of your account). I got what I needed and headed home. The sun broke through the clouds and it was beautiful, if only for a while. I soaked up the sun on my drive home and was so thankful for the gorgeous day. I got home, unloaded the groceries and put them away. I relaxed a bit... some times grocery shopping (especially when I have to carry it all in myself) really wears me out.

Before long the clouds were being pushed back in by the gale force wind we were experiencing. It was rough. On the drive home there were a few moments that I considered pulling over because the truck was just being pushed around. I don't like wind like that, especially when you have to be out and about. At the house the puppies were visibly disturbed by the weather. At moments it sounded like more than the wind hitting the house, though that was all that was hitting the house.

I worked a bit more on addresses. Tried to merge my hotmail contacts with my Outlook (where my blackberry syncs to) contacts. No luck. Shit! I gave up on that process and decided that I would figure it out later. I talked to Missy on the phone, that was a good conversation. I just love Missy. She's a great sounding board, very even keel, not reactionary at all, non-confrontational, soft hearted and very considerate. All those things make her very easy to talk to about things. I miss her. I wish she could move down here close to us.

The money that we had been waiting on from the VA came in. So that made me happy. Now I can take care of spending that today. LOL. I say that with complete sincerity, though it isn't what you think. That money is already spent on taking care of some bills, nothing frivolous, just hopefully making things a little easier financially. It's no large sum of money either. Haha. Ok, I am bordering on telling all my business. Anyway, it was a relief to get that in, we've been looking for it since November. We all know how difficult "looking for" money to come in can be. The VA is terrible for that. Though, once they come through, they are like clock work!

I let Tancy know that the VA finally came through. Hopefully a positive in her day. She called on her way home and we had a good talk. I am always so happy when she's on her way home from work. I think she feels the same way. We miss each other throughout the day... not in an unhealthy way that we can't be apart... but in a sickly sweet, we love each other tremendously and enjoy each others company kind of way. Haha.

We did go eat dinner last night. A treat we have tried to have less of. We went to our favorite sushi place at Lake Norman. It was soo good. Don't worry, everything was cooked, no risk there. But it did hit the spot. Also, at this point, to have fish (especially) is good for brain development. Hopefully it will help mine as well. Haha! The dinner seemed to help Tancy lighten just a little. She's had a few tough days this week. I think the change in pace, in scenery and just some plain good food was just what she needed. I also had picked up a few of the things I know she really likes while I was at the store.

We headed home. I needed to take care of an email. Her Mom called. Then we were off to bed. I think it was 8:30 when I was drifting off to sleep.

This morning I felt like I could sleep longer. It was just such wonderful rest and I was so comfortable and happy (strange word to use with sleep... but a good word nonetheless). I did, however, get up and make coffee. I fed the pups and that whole routine. Then Tancy left for work, she did seem better today than the last few mornings. I am very thankful for that. Certainly makes my heart lighter as well.

Today I really need to finish the laundry (I haven't been diligent about getting through it all). Tancy took the trash out last night, so I don't have to do that. Maybe I will clean up the breast pump stuff today and get that put away. I also need to clear off the cluttered table and get the camera and guitar ready to list on Craigslist this weekend. I also want to make Missy's salsa so it can set. I got some Avocados as well. I have been craving it. I am not sure if I will make guacamole dip, or just mix with lime juice. We shall see. I'm making chicken fried steak for dinner tonight... I also got some skirt steak to make maybe Friday night. I am feeling pretty domestic today, so I think I will take advantage of that!

Well, I think that catches me up on everything. Still looking forward to the weekend. I hope you all have a wonderful day today. Thanks for all the love, well wishes and positive energy you send our way... even when you don't voice it, it happens. Sending it right back to ya!

Love to all!

Good morning all. It is hump day! Yay! Middle of the week... so much better than the start of the week!! Just another few days and the weekend will be here. I am so looking forward to that. This weeks seems to have taken its toll on the two of us (and by this week, I mean since last Thursday). It will be nice to have two days together.

Yesterday was a productive day... not overly, but enough to feel good about. Especially when it rained and looked gloomy all day. I could have just curled up in bed with my book and stayed there all day. I managed to get laundry and dishes done. I got the kitchen cleaned up, it wasn't too bad at all, so that didn't take long. I picked up our bedroom and bathroom. I got rid of some of the stuff on the coffee table (that kind of thing really bugs me). Then I read some of my book. I have more that I want to do today, but that's another story. LOL.

Yesterday evening I got a call about my cell phone. They wanted it. I hardly had time to get to them... I had to go get the car charger out of the Prius and then backtrack to meet them. I managed to make it. They were there waiting and seemed very nice. The mom (yes, she was buying it for her son) handed me the money once they saw that it worked, and they were on their merry way and so was I. I stopped on my way home and picked up some grub. I had tried to talk Tancy into going to dinner, thought she could use a change of scenery, but she wasn't feeling up to it, so I brought something home instead. By the time I got home I had been gone more than 2 hours!

We ate dinner (she'd already gotten a bath while I was gone) and she layed on the couch while we watched TV. We talked some but I could tell that her battery was just drained. I wanted to do something, but couldn't think of one thing. I asked if she wanted to watch TV in bed, she said yes and we headed "to the back". It was right at 6:30 when she started to doze off. I watched TV till about 8:00 and then got my bath. I was having trouble winding down, so I added some lavender.

By 9:00 I was trying to sleep, though I felt the need to leave the TV on. At 9:45 I turned the TV off, I had been sleeping and no longer wanted the TV on. Strange I thought, I only do that when she works nights. Oh well, whatever. I slept soundly for a while... then the nightmare started.
Casie and I were kids again and we were home with Dad. We saw a car drive up that we didn't know. Dad seemed to know what was going on, we just watched. He told us that they were stealing from us and I wanted to call 911, but he didn't want me to... I didn't understand in my dream and I still don't now. They went to the shed first, but couldn't get in. They went to the Shop next and it was open, they began to take what they wanted and before long they were spreading out and in the yard near the house. I grabbed a phone, in my mind it was a cell phone... though I know we didn't have one when we were kids. I started to call 911. They were now in the house and I couldn't find Dad. I was trying to keep Casie safe, as I said, we were kids. We would find a place to hide and then they would be right there, so we would find another place to hide and the same scene would repeat. There were look outs in the front yard, looking for the police. There were people in the house going through each room and also seemingly on the lookout. I couldn't find Dad and was scared that something had happened to him. We managed to get into the hall bath and shut and lock the door just before one of the men (in my bedroom) saw us. But I started to feel like that was a bad idea... soon they would see the door was shut and investigate. I needed to protect my sister, I needed to call 911, I needed to keep us out of sight. They didn't know we were there and I wanted to keep it that way. The knob on the door began to turn and I forced myself awake.
I was terrified. I tried not to drift back off and pick the dream back up. I asked Tancy to hold me (sounds silly to some of you... but this represents an actual event in my life that affects me today. obviously), she of course did... but I was still shaken. I lay there, looking at the clock 1:45. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I was really very afraid I would find myself back in that dream. Not to mention it was raining hard outside. Funny thing though, it sounded like someone had run garde hoses off of the house, you could hear the water hitting the ground the way it would with a steady stream of water instead of drops of water. I did finally drift back off with Tancy's arm draped over me, reminding me that this was reality and that was just a dream.

This morning, though it isn't daylight yet, I know it was a dream. But I almost feel like I don't want to be here by myself. I can't explain it. I know it is completely ridiculous. I even made sure the door was locked when Tancy left for work... normally unless I am getting a shower I don't worry with it one way or another. I have a completely irrational urge to call my Dad and tell him to make sure the Shop door is locked. (If it had been locked, maybe they would have gone away.) But it was just a dream so that would sound utterly ridiculous. I really want to call him either way this morning. But I know how busy he is lately and don't want to bother him. I currently feel like a child, needing a parents reassurance that everything is ok. Ridiculous, I know, but its where I am at right now.

So, I called Pops, told him about my dream. He didn't laugh at me or make fun... not that I thought he would, I just know how silly it sounds. I felt better just hearing his voice. Funny how the mind works sometimes.

Anyway, today I have a few things to get done here. I hope to get out to the grocery store and pick up a few things once the rain slacks up some. Once the rain lets up the wind is suppose to pick up and the temperature is suppose to drop. So we shall see. I know it isn't popular, but I want cold weather. I don't want to be able to wear t-shirts in January.

Nothing else exciting to report. I hope you all have a great day today.

Love to all!  

Good morning all. I hope this finds you all doing well. No doubt settling into your work week at this point. Some of you still trying to catch up from the holidays.

Yesterday was a full day, but not at all the way I intended it to be. I had every intention of getting a little tech. help on the phone and then getting some house work done. Well, that didn't exactly happen. I wont bore you with all the details, but when Tancy got home at 3:30 I was still on with Tech Support (had been off and on since 8:00 AM) working on getting the device to sync with my computer. FUN!! I didn't get the issues with my phone worked out until 5:30. Then we spent another hour working on Tancy's only to figure out her phone needs to be replaced. Ugh!

At this point, I really do like the phone. I am just ready to get everything worked out that is currently giving me fits. Everyone that I have talked to says once you get past the set up they are amazing phones. That once you have a BlackBerry you stay with BlackBerry. We shall see. Again, I like it so far... but the set up is a real bitch.

I finished up with tech support and cooked dinner. Tancy and I hit a small bump in the road and it became a less than wonderful evening. We worked it out, but not before we were both in tears. Some was related to us specifically, some wasn't. Either way we got through it thankfully. I am very fortunate to be with someone who works so hard (with me) to keep our relationship where we want it to be. Someone who puts up with my shit (and whose shit I chose to put up with as well) and understands me like no one else. We didn't really talk alot about the issues that weren't between the two of us, just enough to know what was going on. I have had to learn that sometimes that just has to be enough. Just because I can talk something to death doesn't mean that everyone else has the same need or ability.

We started watching the Ohio vs. Texas game in the living room. My head was killing me and I talked her into watching it in the back. I think we were both exhausted from all the emotions. I took some Tylenol before bed, she took some Naproxen. At about half time I was ready to go to sleep. She dozed off and on from there... but managed to see the end, a loss by one stinkin' point. The first half was a good game, I can't say about the second half.

This morning my head is sore and tender. I've had my coffee and so far, that hasn't helped. I talked to Mom for a bit this morning already. I was suppose to call her back last night, but that just didn't happen. So, I checked in with her this morning. She's taking charge of an issue in her life in a big way and I am very proud of her. She's a strong and determined woman and I know she will achieve her goals. I was happy to hear the excitement in her voice and the optimism. I can't wait to see her in just a few weeks.

I haven't talked to Dad, I am absolutely certain that he's covered up at work. I do hope that it eases off for him as he week goes on. Maybe I will get to talk with him by then. I don't like to bother him at work when things are so hectic.

Today I have intention of getting some work done around the house. As a matter of fact, as soon as I wrap this blog up, I am getting out of my pj's, into some clothes I can work in and getting to it. I also have absolutely no intention of any kind of tech support today, I have had enough of that for a bit. I am still not really sure if the headache is from the crying or the BlackBerry! LOL.

I hope that you all have a fantastic day! Try not to work too hard, or if you do, make sure to leave it at work. Let the one you go home to know how much you love and appreciate them... we take it for granted sometimes. A simple thank you for cooking dinner, or taking out the trash, or whatever means alot at the end of the day. And don't ever be too proud to say you are sorry. Because when the road smooths out on the other side of a rough patch, everyone feels apologetic in one way or another... we just don't always verbalize it... and that can make all the difference in the world.

Ok, enough philosophizing for me for today.

Love to all!

Hello all. I hope this finds you all doing well this morning. No doubt back to work, or on your way there. Sucks. For me, it feels like a Saturday or Sunday for some reason. Tancy's already off to her training class today, we are hoping she gets done with that early. Maybe it feels like the weekend because we slept in a whole hour later than when she works shift.

Yesterday was a full day for me. I got up, made coffee, took care of the pups... my normal routine. Then I called Mom and Dad and had a great conversation. That made me happy. I have been missing them (all my family) tremendously lately. While I was on the phone I managed to clean up the kitchen, go me! After we got off the phone I started getting ready for all my running around. I had decided to leave a bit earlier than I needed to and run some additional errands.

Around 9:00 or 9:30 I left the house. I headed up to Huntersville. I stopped at the plant to see if I could find the car, I had left the suction cup part of the GPS in the car... and my favorite wooby. I couldn't find the car and decided it was best if I weren't riding around the plant looking for it either. I just made a pass by the parking lots I knew were safe for me to check (didn't take long, they were empty) and then headed on up to my destination. I went in Target first. I had decided if I needed to I could get a cheap tarp there to put of the lighting if I needed to. I didn't. Then I got the call from the lady I was meeting, they were going to be at least an hour later than planned. Damn! I went to the gas station and fueled up. I got a danish for breakfast and headed to the Petco for dog food and some gnaw-gnaws. I finished that up and still had plenty of time. I tried to call the wife of Tancy's co-worker, no answer. I went back to the gas station and vaccumed out the truck (it is really borderline gross at this point)... I know it is a utility vehicle, but come on! If it hadn't been so nasty out, I might have even washed it. Then I had to potty.

After all that activity in the name of killing time, I sat in the truck, listened to the radio, played with my phone and waited. Seemd like I felt the baby moving around while I was sitting in the truck waiting, which made me smile. He/she has been active for a long time (they are almost from the start) but to finally start feeling it is great. Maybe he/she is impatient already too... maybe he/she did or didn't like my singing... or maybe it was just a hello. Either way I am looking forward to more of it, that physical knowledge of it being there and moving around. I certainly don't look pregnant at this point, so feeling the baby move makes me very happy.

I really don't like waiting... especially when we agreed upon a time and I am already there... especially when it is a freakin' hour! Anyway, they did finally arrive. I took both pumps and she had a bunch of extras. I didn't get the baby monitor. I think I had seen the same one at Target just a bit ago for around the same price she wanted (that's no deal). She was very nice though and threw in two bags full of extra stuff. Of course everything will need to be sterilized and cleaned to my satisfaction, but I can handle that. I will get a few new parts, tubing, membranes, etc., instead of sterilizing that... everything I have read recommends completely replacing those parts.

So, the guy with the lights was calling me when they pulled up, making sure I was still coming (I hadn't given him a time, so I hadn't called to tell him I was delayed). I explained that the people I was meeting had just arrived, should take a few minutes and I would be on my way. I then called him back when I was leaving. It took me about 20 minutes to get to them. He loaded the lights into the truck for me, packed the heavy "power house" for the lights and put that in the truck and tied down the lights so I didn't have to. Very nice people. I talked a bit to him and his wife and then thanked him for loading everything and made my way back home.

I stopped to get lunch and then directly home. I ate once I got home, I was tired and hungry. The baby had either settled or was just positioned where I couldn't feel it like I had earlier in the day. I checked my email and brought in what I could pack in from the day. I decided just to sit on the couch for a while and read... the baby moved around again for a while. That's so amazing. It's not big kicks or anything like that yet, but it still makes me smile. Makes me wonder whats going on in there.

I read my book for a while. I am reading "'Salems' Lot" by Stephen King. It's pretty good. No immediate hook like the first book, but pretty good anyway. I had taken out some premixed and frozen meatloaf fixins that morning and was waiting on the right time to put it in the oven, so I had time to just read. When Tancy called on her way home I threw that in the oven and made some stove top stuffing. That stuff is so easy and tastes good too. We talked on the phone as she drove home. Once she got home, I had dinner ready to go and a plate fixed for her as well. I haven't done that all week. I like to when I can, but it doesn't always work out.

We had dinner, caught up on our days and just enjoyed being in the same space. She brought in the lighting and we put it on the aquarium. Wow, what a difference! Neither of us could believe what a difference it makes. The hood looks huge and it will have to be modified so we can get in the front to feed the fish, etc. The fish didn't seem to know what to make of the new bright light, they hide for a while.

Tancy brought in the dog food and then we got baths. I have still been working on the phones. There's alot to learn and the owners manual sucks. It doesn't tell you shit about the phone, its features or wht seems to be simple tasks (that aren't so simple with the blackberry... till you know how to do it). I have more of that to work on today. I am just waiting on customer service to be in to start that process. I do love my phone though!

Alright kids, my day holds nothing terribly exciting. A little tech support, a little house work and probably some reading. Hopefully Tancy will be home early and we can have some time together. We both feel like we haven't seen each other in a week.

Have a great day!

Love to all!

Good morning all. I hope this finds you all doing well. It is Sunday morning, 6:00, I doubt many of you are even up yet. Only the old ones. LOL.

Yesterday was a good day. I got up and got a few things done around the house. Then I got a shower and got ready to go see some friends of ours and their little girl. I needed to bring the little one's birthday and Christmas presents to her before she turned 18! (She's almost 16 months now.) I visited with them for about 2 hours. It was great. They are expecting their second baby two months before we are due. So we have alot to talk about usually. We had time to catch up and then some. I think I could have stayed longer, but the little one was getting fussy and I figured it best to head out so they could put her down for a nap and have a little down time themselves.

From there I headed on home and mulled around here a bit. Caught up with a couple of friends on the phone and decided to start another book. My head was incredibly sore, but no headache, yay! I read my book till Tancy got home, it isn't moving as quickly as the first book (different authors), but thats ok, I probably don't need to continue reading a book a day. LOL. About an hour before Tancy got home, I started to feel like I could go sound to sleep. I think my body was just tired from fighting the headache for two days and then battling the soreness that I was left with when it was gone. I really didn't want to go anywhere.

Tancy got home and we headed out to finally go look at the aquairum lights, neither of us really wanted to go. It seemed like a long drive. University area is a good little haul from our house. We finally made it. The lights are perfect. What's more than that, he's letting the hood go with them, so Tancy wont have to build that! What is even better than that, he came down off his own price! We were already getting a good deal, it got even better with the hood and then it got awesome when the price lowered!

We headed home, both exhausted. Tancy was asleep almost instantly. I folded a load of clothes and then watched a few minutes of TV before falling off to sleep. I think I slept on my stomach all night. I had a terrible nightmare where, in my dreams, I sobbed uncontrollably. I never woke up, thankfully. I was still sleeping when Tancy slammed the door on the dresser shut, I nearly shit the bed it scared me so bad. Then I was up... time to make the coffee, let the puppies outside, let them back in and feed them their breakfast.

Today is actually a full day for me. In just a bit I need to clean up the kitchen. Then I need to get dressed to meet the lady with the breast pumps that I have been communicating with nearly all week. Then I am going to see about getting up with one of Tancy's co-workers wife. She's not from here, just moved after they got married, knows no one but him, works from home and is having a hard time adjusting. Hopefully we will get a bite for lunch and then, if she wants, she can go with me to pick up the lights (we couldn't bring them home last night because we were in the Prius and they wouldn't fit). I also, at some point, need to pick up food for the puppies. I should probably try to do that before picking up the lighting. Would be easier that way, then I can take her back home after picking up the lights and head home myself. Of course, all the running with her is tenative. I haven't talked to her yet. I have all the errands to do no matter what.

I hope to cook dinner tonight. I haven't in a few nights. Between the headache (and subsequent nausea) and last nights running around, it just hasn't worked out. Oh well.

I sure hope that everyone else's Sunday is more laid back that mine will be. I am not complaining... it is good for me to get out of the house. Now, I just need to be able to do so without spending money! LOL.

Alright kiddies. Wishing you all a great day! Enjoy your last full day off. Tomorrow is Monday and surely it will be back to the grind. (Wow, that was a Debbie Downer statement!)

Love to all!

Good morning all. It is currently 5:45 on Saturday morning and I have barely slept. I slept in what could only be described as fits and tried to go back to sleep after making Tancy's coffee. I ended up getting up and having a cup with her.

My head seemed to be absent of the head splitting pain when I woke up yesterday morning. I was so thankful. I went through my usual email, blog, balance the checkbook routine and then decided to get out of the house for a while. I headed to the tag office to renew our license plates, got a small bite of lunch and then to the book store. I guess it was around 11:00ish when I left the house. My head was already starting to hurt. At first I thought it might only be that rebound headache... the kind you get after having a really terrible headache... and was determined to push through it. I spent a bit of time in the book store and a bit more money and by the time I left there I could feel my eyes becoming incredibly sensitive to the light. I made a bee line for the house (around 1:15) and by that time discomfort was becoming misery.

I wanted to look something up on the computer (I've been trying to wear my glasses more, thankfully, or I probably would be in worse shape) and then started on one of the books I got at Books-A-Million. "Tell No One" I don't remember the author right now and am not going to look. I think it's Cohen, but I can't be sure. Anyway, reading seems like a really bad idea, but somehow it took my mind off of my headache and it seemed more manageable. When I would put the book down, the pain would seer through my skull, so I didn't put the book down much. When Tancy called me to say she was on her way home I asked her to just pick something up... my stomach was revolting against the pain and I had felt nauseous all day practically. I had tried to clean the kitchen before I left, but the smell of sour kraut made me want to hurl. I didn't care if I ate, I just didn't want her to have to come home and scrounge around for something. I told her I loved her, but there was a ringing or pitch in the phone that was unbearable, I would talk to her when she got home.

She brought me a chicken sandwich from Burger King. I ate half and that was all I could do. We talked, she caught me up on her day, checked out the "My first Encyclopedia: Animals" book I had picked up for the baby (a breast cancer group was selling them to raise money to help women who can't afford mammograms and screenings get the care they need) and I caught her up on my day. Soon we were off to bed. I kept on reading, she watched TV till she fell asleep. I couldn't put the book down. It was really good. I like suspense, thrillers, mystery, never been one for girlie books or even romance... it was good to find a book again that was so good I didn't want to put it down. It just sucked me in. It was 10:51 when I read the last line and put the book away. As soon as I closed the book, I felt that splitting pain again. I turned off the light and tried breathing through it, I tried to focus on something else, anything else... but when the veins in the side of your head feel as if they are pumping molten iron, its really hard to focus on anything else. The cold of the room hurt against my skin on that (the right) side of my head, so I tried to keep that side on my pillow. My left is more comfortable for me... so you can see how I now really am going to have difficulty sleeping. Around 11:24 I took a Tylenol PM (just one, they really knock me on my ass for some reason). By 12:00 I had experienced little to no relief. 

I was near tears, I wanted to wake Tancy and ask her to hold my hand, or me, or something... I just wanted some comfort. But I wouldn't wake her. I knew how exhausted she was. Plus, though it would have been comfort, it would have been emotional, not physical and I just couldn't sacrifice her rest for that. I would occasionally reach for her and touch her, but did my best not to wake her. I don't know when some relief started to creep in, I would imagine some place between 12:30 and 1:00. I will tell you that I felt like I was completely awake when her alarm went off around 5:00. I got up made coffee and told her I was going back to bed and of the night I'd had. She obviously understood. But I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up and had a cup of coffee with her before she left for work.

The side of my head feels as if I have been burned under the flesh, tender and sore and hot. The nerve or muscle that runs down your neck on the right side, kind of behind and under your ear, feels like it has been drawn up all night and it near spasm of some sort... very tender. I realize today is Saturday, but if I don't get rid of this fucking (pardon the language) headache today I don't know what I will do. I am that near my breaking point. I cannot physically manage another day like the last two (yesterday being the very worst). My head is sore, but I can't tell if it is that way because the headache is now gone and all those previously tense parts are just exhausted... or if I am on the brink of another round with this monster. I will, most certainly, call in to my OB's office if it comes back. The doctor on call can at least tell me what other medication options I have outside of the Tylenol PM. But I am telling you, I believe I will lose my mind if I have to battle it again today... I will, at the very least curl up in a dark space and cry until I sleep (even though I try really hard not to cry with a headache because it only ever makes it worse).

Sound like a desperate woman? I am!

Anyway! So today I am going to take some friends of ours little girl her Christmas present and birthday card, the one friend her birthday card and visit with them for a minute. I have been craving that human connection in the past few days. I don't know if it is the slack time after the holiday madness, pregnancy hormones, Tancy's schedule or what to say is the root cause (or a combination of everything) but I am making every effort to not hold up in the house. Even with the headache yesterday, I feel like my emotions would have been very frayed if I hadn't gotten out of the house.

We didn't get to go look at the aquarium lights last night. The people who have them had to reschedule. We will go look tonight. Also, I am still waiting on te lady with the breast pump to get back to me. I am considering contacting another one of the posters who was very prompt in responding. It isn't that there's so much pressure to get it now... its just, when people have something for sale and you contact them regarding it... but can't get them to get back with you to check it out and possibly buy their item(s), makes you wonder (in general). I prefer to deal with someone who wants to sell the item they have posted.

Ok. It seems I have written quite alot and almost all of it is about my headache! LOL. Think I am completely preoccupied by that?!

I hope that you all have a great Saturday. I have to keep reminding myself it is Saturday. Seems weird when Tancy is at work.. but I guess that is one of those things I have to get used to. Shift work! It pays the bills, I can't complain. Anyway, enjoy your weekend. Some will just be returing to work on Monday from the Christmas holiday, for some you've already been back. Either way, a day off is always a welcome sight.

I am sending you all my positive energy and love today. Hope you can feel it a million miles away.

Love to all!

Good morning all. It is still morning. I hope this finds everyone doing well.

I slept in this morning. I woke up and Tancy was already dressed, went to get up and she told me to go back to bed. Yesterday I'd had an awful headache all day, just couldn't shake it. I took a Tylenol PM to help me sleep and hopefully shake off the pounding. So, she let me go back to sleep and rest. I didn't get up till nearly 9:00 this morning. That's the first really good nights sleep I have had in several nights... and the headache is gone (techinically), but now I am left with this dull ache. My head is sore like someone used it for a punching bag last night.

The weather here is gloomy. My mood is too. I am wishing that my family was here. I am wishing I could pick up the phone and call Mom over for coffee and then to run some errands. I am wishing today didn't feel so solitary. But, I am in NC and they are spread out from Louisiana to Ohio and all over in between. I haven't heard much from the girls lately. I must say that I feel pretty disconnected from them. We didn't get to have Christmas with them, we haven't spent much time with any of them lately. Well, we see Sandy more than anyone, so I can't make that a blanket statement about everyone. I guess its just my mood today.

I am thinking I am going to get dressed and just get out of the house. I don't have anything to do... but I don't think I want to sit here all day today and think about how lonely I feel. That would just be silly and not very healthy for me. I would like to go to the book store today if possible. I was trying to think if there's anything else I need if I am going out. Currently I am consumed by the thud that remains just above my right temple.

Hopefully, today or tomorrow, I will get to meet up with the lady that has the breast pump for sale. She's up in Concord and has a three week old, so that makes it challenging for her to have time to meet with me. Tonight we go look at the lights for the aquarium when Tancy gets home. So the day isn't completely without event. LOL.

The weekend is going to be fairly quiet I imagine. Tancy works all weekend. Mandy works a 16 hour shift today, so tomorrow she will more than likely schlep around all day. I don't mean to sound so pitiful... which is why I will be wrapping this up very soon... I just want to be able to call someone to go have a "fun" day with. I am sure there is someone I can call, but I am currently so wrapped up in feeling lonely that it escapes me.

Alright, enough of the blubbering and wallering... time for me to get dressed and get the hell out of this house. I haven't left the house since Wednesday and that was just for dinner with Mandy and Lauren... that's probably part of the problem as well. So, off I go to hopefully find a better attitude.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. I am sending out all the positive energy and thoughts I can muster. Lord knows I need them coming back around and I know that what we give out is what we get back!

Love to all!

Hello all. I hope this finds everyone doing very well.

Sorry I didn't get to blog yesterday. We worked in the house a bit and then our final Christmas present came in... new phones. So you know that took all of my time and attention. We both got Blackberries, crazy deals on them through Duke. Anyway, it isn't anything like my Pantech... so I basically had to reorganize all my information, reenter (essentially) all of my contacts... who knew I knew so many people?! And then build the calendar. See on of my biggest reasons for wanting this particular type of phone is the calendar. I wanted to be able to put Tancy's work schedule in, Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, doctors appointments, trips, etc. I finally finished with the calendar today. I just have one dilema left... getting all the calendar information in Tancy's phone. I guess I will probably work on her contacts as well, but the calendar is the biggie. Once it is all done, I can put in a new "appointment" and then just send it to her to save in her calendar. I have nearly 300 entries in the calendar alone and nearly 200 entries in the contacts (keep in mind this can include home phone, cell phone, work phone, email, work address, home address, fax and secondary email... potentially for each contact). That's alot of information folks!

So, today, now that I am crackberried out, I need to get some laundry done and load the dishwasher. Mandy is coming over later today with kraut and mashed potatoes. I am providing the pork. Traditional New Years Day faire. We've called a few of the girls... haven't heard anything back....

I have been searching Craigslist for breast pumps. I think I found a really great deal. Basically it is a brand spankin new pump, used 2 maybe 3 times for alot less than retail. I am waiting to hear from the lady who listed it to see when I can go take a look. It sounds like a steal, but seeing is believing. She also has a travel pump for incredibly less than retail, again, basically brand spankin new. I could get both pumps for less than half of what I would buy just the one pump for. We shall see.

We have a few items of our own to list. I think Tancy wants to put her guitar up to sell. It's a beautiful guitar and it was expensive from what I understand. But it has a bright sound, she prefers a deeper, richer sound, so she wants to sell it. Also, she wants to put her Canon body up on craigslist. There's a new Canon that will apparently take billboard (exaggeration) size pictures with amazing clarity. So, if she sells the old one, she can put the money toward the new one (the guitar money will probably go toward it to). I listed my old cell phone. Believe it or not it is worth more than what I paid for the new one (both phones actually). It will give me a little cash in my pocket and cover a big part of what we spent on the phones (gotta remember we needed chargers, etc.). Another one of those We shall see things. If it sells, it does, if it doesn't... oh well. I have already had an inquiry as to whether I still had it or not (I only just posted it) so that is promising.

Alright kids. I think I need to get my self moving. Crackberries aren't anything like crack, they probably actually make you fat... because all you do is sit on the couch and program shit in and try to figure out how it works. Whew, alot to take in... and surprisingly, the books on the phones that they send to you don't tell you squat! You are pretty much on your own. I am bummed that so far I haven't figured out how to sync my phone to Tancy's.

So, have a great day! I hope your New Year is off to a great start.

Love to all!

Whew. What a whirlwind! I can't remember my last post and lord knows I wont cover everything. So I will hit the high points and we'll go from there.

We left here Friday around 2:00. Tancy's Mom called around 1:00ish and told me that the roads had frozen over the night before and they were calling for more of the same. I woke Tancy and we talked about what to do. I finished packing and gathering everything together while she got a bath and got woke up. Traffic wasn't too bad , the wind was horrible... I drove half way and was exhausted from fighting the wind. We made it to Nana and Poppy's house around 9:30 (tiny bladder makes for lots of stops). I was fairly uncomfortable, still battling the constipation. We even stopped at Wal-Mart on our way to get some Miralax. Ugh. We sat up and visited for a while, saw Tancy's Mom off to work and finally crashed around midnight.

Saturday was a full day, they always are in Ohio. We tried to get some time in with the family. We ended up at Jessi and Joe's on Saturday night for a get together. We had a good time, laughed and cut up. I think it was about 1:30 when we left there... it had dusted us with snow and I had to drive (Tancy decided to have a festive drink), so we crept home. We made it in one piece, so I was pleased.

Sunday we pretty well got up and slugged around till it was time to leave to go to Aunt Jan and DJ's. The wind was absolutely terrible. Once again "they" were calling for bridges to freeze over by early afternoon... so around 1:00 we headed out. It was only suppose to be a 2 hour drive, but we detoured to back roads and enjoyed the scenery. We didn't want to pull up at their house the same time they were. It was a nice drive and the wind wasn't nearly as bad off of the main highways. We got to their house around 4:00 or so, I think. We had time to visit and catch up before dinner time even. It was just nice to have a little time with them. I barely know DJ and was really happy for the opportunity to get to know her more. We had dinner, Lasagna compliments of Jan-E-Poo and a salad.. it was yummy. Aunt Jan, as expected, fell right in with making sure I drank enough water and was doing what I needed to be doing to get things moving. My guts were so sore. We watched Hancock, it was alright... then we opened Christmas presents. Aunt Jan made us watch bracelets, with interchangeable bands. They are very cute. We also got Ohio State scarves. In addition to that I got this thing to use for breast feeding, to cover the boob without covering the babies head (they tend to get overheated when you do that). We also got a "Noah" license plate for his bike (should the baby actually be a he and not a she). Also a door hanger that said "Shhh, Baby sleeping... Future Buckeye". They really did way too much! I guess it had to have been around 11:00 when we went to bed. Once again, we were exhausted and it didn't take long for us to fall sound asleep.

Monday morning we got up and had a delicious breakfast of fried potatoes, scrambled eggs (to go in a breakfast burrito of course) and bacon. Delicious. That's one of those meals that takes me back to my childhood and our visits to Aunt Jan when they lived in Texas. Those are good memories. After breakfast we got dressed and Aunt Jan, Tancy and me headed out to find me some maternity pants. All my pants are too big and I desperately needed to find something that would fit and look half decent. After many terrible choices, we did find 1 pair of suitable pants. We then went to Starbucks and had coffee and a snack. From there it was home and a bit of lunch. We sat and worked on their Las Vegas puzzle. That was fun, but I think it was a 2000 piece puzzle!! Wow, its been a LONG time since I worked on a puzzle that big. After that we had a de-freakin-licious Steak and Potatoe dinner with a salad. We watched Mama Mia after dinner, funny.. but not intentionally. We also watched Leather Heads. It was so freakin' slow. I was disappointed... I had expected more humor and witty dialogue. Then it was bedtime, rapidly approaching 11:00. We had a wonderful day, not too full, but enough to feel like we visited and got caught up and laughed... we laughed alot.

Tuesday morning we got up, had breakfast, Aunt Jan's specialty. I think she made it two days in a row just for me. Then we gathered up our stuff and headed out to give them time to get ready for their day ahead. I think it was just before 10:00 when we left out. It was still freakin cold, but the wind had died down, thankfully. We made our way back on the previously avoided highways. We went into "town" to get a last minute gift and have lunch. It was certainly a leisurely drive back. By the time we got back to Tancy's parents house (around 2:00) I was cramping, muscular cramping low in my belly. I chalked it p to the traveling and of course, not pooping. I pretty well camped out on the couch for the afternoon. We headed out to see Missy after Jessi and Joe brought Zack over to stay the night with us. It was a good visit. We miss spending time with Missy. We helped her wrap presents and hung some pictures on the wall. Tancy fixed the vent in the floor that wasn't screwed down.... where Missy almost broke her ankle. Fern, Missy's Mom, came over and we spent some time with her as well. It was a good visit. I suppose it was about 10:30 or so when we left. Everything, including the porch, was frozen over. Tancy had to help me get down the steps... it was slick as owl shit! We made it to the car and my anxiety level grew. The roads were terrible. Tancy was driving, so that was a comfort for me at least, but we must have passed 6 or 7 cars that had spun out into a ditch or driveway or worse, one was over the guard rail! We just crept on at about 12 miles and hour and made it safely back to the house. I was soo relieved. Zack was already asleep, so I got him changed into his pajamas and we sat up for a bit (I needed to calm down) and talked with her Mom and Dad, then it was off to bed for us.

Wednesday morning we brought Zack home. I called and checked in with the fam in Georgia. I was missing them terribly. I think Dad was already sick... and they were debating what to do, head home, ride it out or drive up to our house and recuperate. I hated to hear that... it sucks to be sick at Christmas. I still hadn't pooped and my tummy was so sore, even to pee hurt at times. I was literally full of shit. We had to go get some necessary items at the grocery store, so we headed in that direction after dropping Zack off. Then we headed home. We were going to take Tancy's parents to dinner (since Jessi and Joe weren't going to come over and Mandy and Lauren wouldn't be in till later). We gave them their Christmas presents from us early... we just couldn't stand it. They both seemed to like their presents alot, so we were pleased. They had a couple of errands to run, so we got those done before dinner and showed them how to use their new GPS while we were doing so. Then it was to Hog Heaven. It was pretty good. I had a salad and a baked potato. I was very pleased with my dinner, I think everyone felt the same about theirs. We had a good time talking and laughing. It was nice. Then we headed home and played some games while we waited for Mandy and Lauren. Once they got there, we played some more and then all crashed out, preparing for the full day coming.

Thursday was the Dean family gift exchange. Jessi and Joe weren't in any hurry, so we started without them. I got some maternity shirts for Tancy's Mom and Dad and she got an Ohio State hoodie. We were both happy. Lauren liked her presents as well. Mandy got a new cordless phone, we were all thankful for that, her old one was on its last leg. Then Jessi and Joe finally made it and we opened presents with them (them to us, us to them). I had wrapped their gift card to Macaroni Grill in about 5 different boxes... it was fun! Then we ate. Lots of food, yummy, but way too much in my already overwhelmed system. I sat on the couch with my feet up while they played a quick game. Then Joe and Jessi left to go to another function. I think we were all bummed at the short amount of time they spent with us, especially the short amount of time we had with Zack. At any rate, we made the most of the rest of the evening, playing games and having a good time. Missy came over with her kids and we played more games. They stayed the night, so we had every opportunity to laugh and play. Another nearly midnight bedtime... exhausted. I didn't sleep well, my stomach cramped all night, clear up into my rib cage. Just another sign that I really needed to get things moving.

Friday we were all moving slowly, tired from the night before. I am not sure anyone slept very well. Then we had to work to keep the kids quiet so that Ms. Sue could get some sleep (she had worked Thursday night). Missy and the kids left around 9:00 and Mandy and I worked to get the house picked up, the beds made and all that good stuff. Ms. Sue got up around noon and we headed out to Amish country to pick up Maw-Maw's Christmas present and just look around. We had lunch at the Amish door and then we went back home while Mandy and Ms. Sue made a Wal-Mart run. We hung out with Tancy's Dad a bit. Probably the first quiet moment we had all week. Jessi was going to bring Zack over so he could stay the night with us again and stay to play some games and spend time with us since Joe had plans. We left to go see Marty before she got there. We brought pizza. Visited with him, Aimee and the girls. It was good to see them and catch up a bit. Seems like, same as when we are in Louisiana, there are so many people to try to make time for when we are there... its nearly impossible. We headed back home around 9:00 or 9:30 so we could see Tancy's Mom a bit before she headed off to work. Jessi and Kim (her BFF) were there. We played a game and then they left. We sat up with Zack a while and played and watched his mind work... then it was beddy-bye for all of us.

Saturday morning Mandy and I both hit the ground running. We had told Ms. Sue that we would get things done for her, so she didn't have so much to do when she got up. So we got all the veggies done, the cookies made, the croissants cut and the dip made. When Ms. Sue got up, she was pleased with all we had accomplished and probably relieved to not have soo much to do. We got ready and headed to Wal-Mart (I swear the Dean women make more trips to Wal-Mart than anyone else I know). I went with her and Mandy. I had been feeling a bit over stimulated and just needed a little break. Jessi, Joe and Zack were just getting there as we left. It was actually a nice trip. We laughed and cut up. I enjoyed the time with the two of them, much the same as I do time with my own Mom and sister. Then it was back to the mad house. Everyone had started arriving already. We got the veggie trays going, Tancy cut the trail, chips in bowls, dips on the table, sandwich stuff out, etc. The kids opened presents first, then the adults had their exchange. It was fun, very full and very busy. Joe and Jessi checked out first, Zack got to stay the night with us. It was disappointing, once again, for them to be leaving... but nothing to be done about it. The kids played and the adults visited. Joe & Kim left with their brood next, I am sure they were ready to be home, it was already getting fairly late at this point. Marty and Missy and their kids were the last to leave, I think around 11:00 or later. They played games (I was, once again cramping, so I stayed with my feet propped up) and the kids did too. Then it was clean up time. I got to visit with everyone quite a bit and enjoy the kids. Its so good to be a part of the family like they have made me a part of the family. I am just one of them. It is a very nice thing to feel. After they left we pulled out our bed and got Zack settled in. He was asleep right around midnight and we weren't to far behind him.

Sunday morning we were first awakened to Dazey jumping on the bed fairly early. I don't know what time, I was no well with it. From there Mandy and Ms. Sue were working in the kitchen, I couldn't sleep, still not well. I sat in the chair a bit, intending to wait until I could behave in a civilized manner and then go get a cup of coffee... but I was so worn out I would just drift off to sleep and wake from the noises in the kitchen. I finally went in the computer room and laid down on the couch in there and eventually went back to sleep. I got up at 9:00 to find everyone sitting around the table eating breakfast. Not a very comfortable feeling for me. I just kept my mouth shut and got some coffee. After breakfast we started gathering our stuff and loading up. We were on the road by 10:00. It was such an uncomfortable ride. My back began hurting before we were even out of Ohio. I think I had to pee twice within a three hour time period. My attitude did improve though, thankfully. We were making our way and were in Virginia and all of the sudden the traffic flow just stopped. It would go from 40 mph to a dead stop. Then we would sit for 10 minutes. We decided to get off 77 and gas up, make a potty stop and look for an alternate route. There was a line at the bathroom and I was in pain by the time I got in to pee. What a relief! We got chicken nuggets and hit the road. We detoured through part of the Blue Ridge Parkway and just back roads in the mountains of Virginia. We got back on 77 in Statesville, NC and headed to Tylors to bring them their Christmas gifts from Nana and Poppy. We stayed long enough to be polite and then headed for home. Stopping first at the Wal-Mart so I could get my massage chair with the money that Tancy's parents had given me. She saved her money to put toward shoes. Then we made a bee-line for the house. I guess we got here around 7:30, worn completely out and feeling grubby. As soon as we hit the door I hit the bathroom and miraculously FINALLY pooped! I felt so much better and my tummy wasn't so tender any more either. I was so relieved. I don't know what I would have done if it had gone on another day. Kenny came by to drop off our key and we learned that he hadn't even stayed here. We were both pissed. That wasn't part of the deal. He was to be here at night, give them some time and attention and look after the house.. the fish... the christmas tree, etc. That wont happen again, I can promise you that! He left, we got our baths and crawled into bed. It felt soo good. Our own bed, after baths in our tub, in our home. Nothing like it, no matter the accommodations where ever you are. We watched TV for a while and then crashed.

Yesterday we did a bit of running around. We went and found Tancy's shoes. She really needed some new ones for work and her shoes are always expensive. She has to have good sturdy and supportive shoes for her "chicken" foot. Especially now that she is on her feet for 12 hour shifts, its really important. We checked out new cell phones, my remaining Christmas gift, had lunch and then got some groceries. I was done by the time we got home. Completely exhausted. I did manage to put away groceries, but that is about it. Oh, I also balanced the check book... what a bummer. But hey, we paid cash for all our Christmas presents... we went a bit over budget, but for the most part did really well. That is something to be proud of I think. We then watched "The Dark Knight". It was as awesome as everyone said it was. I can only imagine watching it in theater on on HD is even better. After that, it was bed time!

This morning we got up and lazed around a bit. Then I needed to get a money order to send to our consumer credit counseling and get that sent off. We managed those two tasks and lunch, then home. My stomach was tore up... I now seem to have the reverse issue that I had in Ohio. What fun. Tancy got the totes out from under the house for the Christmas decorations and I started taking everything down and putting it away for the next year. Midway through I made an emergent trip to the bathroom... I can't complain at this point, just happy to be pooping again!

I think that catches me up. Tancy's playing her Xbox 360... Oh, I have decided that I want a Wii and the Wii Fit game to go with it. But that is far from the top of the list... just thought I would share. LOL. Sandy is suppose to be coming over when she gets off work this evening. I think we are going to look at some lights for the aquarium. Sounds like a hell of a deal, so we shall see.

Tomorrow we don't have much of anything planned. Work in the house some, finish unpacking (I will need Tancy's help tomorrow between unpacking and cleaning) and clean the floors, etc. Then hopefully just have a quiet and early evening together. She will be back to work, days, on Thursday and wont have a day off for a while with shift and training. Who can complain though, we are just both glad she has a good job that is secure and has such good benefits. That is more than alot of people have right now, we are very fortunate.

Ok kids. I think that is more than enough! I am sure most of you didn't make it all the way through in one reading... that's ok. I am caught up now! I hope you all have a great evening.

Love to all!