May 7, 2011

  • Let's try this again

    Alright, we've sufficiently quieted the house... Poor Lil, she's getting molars in and they are torturous. She's been cross all morning. We all had lunch and put her down for a nap. I started the crawfish pie filling and Tancy swept the floors. Now the house is clean, quiet and smelling yummy. LOL. I thought I would try to take this time to blog again... See how it works out.

    We've been keeping up with Grey's Anatomy lately. Especially given that there is a lesbian couple who have had a baby and just got married. It's the only thing on TV right now that even closely resembles our life. Though... mind you... it only barely, closely resembles our life. We have no "baby daddy", we have opted not to have the big gay wedding (at least not until it is actually legal), our families are completely supportive... and last but not least we aren't fabulously coiffed, make-upped and fashion savvy doctors. That last part is hard to believe, I know. LOL.

    Tancy and I have had many debates about the show recently. Her irritation with Mark Sloan (the baby daddy), my irritation with the dual wedding crap they did on the show, her seeing that as a great example of how easy it is for one and how hard it is for the other, my frustration with Arizona, I feel like she is wishy washy... I could go on and on about our dialogue surrounding the show. But that isn't really where I am headed.

    Tancy feels like the show is a farce with respect to its representation of a lesbian couple. She feels like they are basically saying that two lesbians need a man to make it work. I disagree with that view, I think it is one way that lesbians conceive a child... with the help of a close male friend (gay or straight). At the end of the day we agree on one thing, most people don't give any thought to how different life is as a homosexual, with or without children (though children definitely change the equation). Television shows do a piss poor job showing the general public a real life picture of homosexuality. Granted there are many facets... but it seems most shows that have gay characters focus on the typical... sex. And while that's great, it's nice to have a romantic relationship that I can relate to, it does little to take peoples minds off what goes on in the bedroom and help them understand that we are just people too. That that part of our lives isn't anymore your business than what goes on in your bedroom is mine. And, to be honest, your's is probably kinkier! LOL.
    It seems like anyone concerned with the LGBT community only focuses on "sexual deviance" as it is, lets just fuel the fire! I just think there should be more done to show that we are like everyone else, except we aren't really allowed to live like everyone else. Show John Q. Public what he doesn't know about being gay. Sure, people know that we aren't allowed to get married, that we can't both adopt a child, that until recently we couldn't be openly gay and serve in the military.
    But I am not sure that people think about these facts:
    We have children together... and one of us has no legal rights. Can you imagine having to worry about your child being taken away from you if your partner (wife/husband/blah, blah, blah) died?
    We pay taxes, like everyone else, but do not get the same tax breaks because we aren't allowed to claim our family as such when we file our taxes. That means that Tancy can claim me, as long as I don't make any money, and Lillie as a dependents... But not me as a spouse or Lillie as a child (which, monetarily, are very different deductions).
    That not all employers provide domestic partner benefits, so not everyone with a family can provide health insurance for their family.
    We have to file legal documents, regularly I might add, to ensure that we can take care of matters for each other that would be given rights if we were "allowed" to marry.
    If something should happen to Tancy, Lillie would not be entitled to her SS benefits or anything to do with her retirement from the service (she served in not one, but two branches).
    If something should happen to me, Tancy has to trust that a judge wouldn't take Lillie for the only other parent she's ever known... because even my will is only a suggestion... and the court could rule to take Lillie from her, just because.
    That it is even in question what we should be "allowed" to do! Seriously?!

    Think about this for one second, lets take sexual orientation out of the equation for just a minute. You, reading this right now. You are just a regular person... skin color, religion, sexual orientation is irrelevant... so lets say you are a white, christian male (That's the only group I can think of that isn't told what they can and can't do) and while we are at it, you are upper middle class, if not upper class on the socio-economic scale. You are walking through life without a care in the world. Then, one day, an entire country of people and their government decide that you should no longer have the same inalienable rights that you have always had... that everyone else has... Now they get to decide, by vote, if you should be persecuted... if simply being you was to be considered a crime (yes, a crime), if you should be allowed to live where everyone else lives, to marry, to have children of your own, if you should continue to pay taxes like everyone else, but only be given half the benefits in return. Can you tell me, if you are able to put yourself in this place... Wouldn't you be mad as hell that anyone could make these decisions for you?

    There have been witch hunts for as long as people have existed. One group going after another, over differences between them that they didn't understand and didn't want to... deciding simply to flush out anyone who didn't fit the mold and either attempt to eradicate them entirely or to dictate how they were allowed to live their life... as if one life is worth more than another because of skin color, religious beliefs, sexual orientation... and many other, equally ridiculous reasons. How did one group become so superior as to tell another that they were to be less than? And why is it ok to be told that... why do we simply accept it?

    If we ALL did a better job banning together... If women (regardless of orientation) would band together, gender inequality would no longer exist... we do outnumber men. Think about all the combinations of people who could pull together to support each other! There would be no such thing as inequality any more. If the entire homosexual community would band together, we would finally have the same rights as others... and we wouldn't have to be afraid of bully's (school yard or otherwise). If we locked arms, whatever the oppressed group of people, we could accomplish anything we wanted. But we are too busy looking at our differences, trying to make sure we aren't at the bottom of the ladder, that we don't ban together. Within the LGBT community, people judge others (see, we aren't any different than anyone else). Some lesbians don't like gay men, some gay men don't like lesbians, people in either category take issue with bi-sexuals as well as transgendered people... and the dislikes are endless. We aren't even the gay community anymore... it has to be LGBT or GLBT, depending on who you are talking to... already there's division just with how a community is addressed, really?!
    Here's what I can tell you... If every queer decided to stop paying taxes, if every homo in the service stood up, if every one of us stopped partonizing establishments that aren't "family" friendly, if we all found a way to ban together as one, we would have to be heard.... think about what we pay in taxes, think about how many of us are in the military, think about how much money we spend, think about how many of us there are!!! We could make a difference! We could change things.
    But as long as we let fear dictate our lives, as long as we hide in closets, as long as we swallow the bullshit we are being given... This is where we are. We are stuck. And we have no one to blame but ourselves...

    So... next time you want to point the finger at someone you feel is holding you down... take a good, long look at yourself... What are you doing to lift yourself up, and those in the same situation as you? Are you part of the solution? Because if you aren't, you are part of the problem!

    Love to all.