June 28, 2009

  • Home - The hiccups

    Monday we woke feeling better, I think we slept till about 9:00 or so. Mom and Dad were a bit concerned I think... but we just tried to catch up as much as we could. We had scheduled grooming for the dogs for that day (thinking that Lillie would have been here before then) and Tancy was going to take them and then get the trash to the dump. We decided to take a little ride after she got back home (this is all late afternoon) just to get out of the house a bit. I was pretty sore, but feeling good and thought getting out of the house (not at the hospital) was a good idea, for everyone. The day was uneventful really, it was a good day.

    That night we went to bed and tried to settle in. During the last feeding of the day Lillie spit up and there was, what looked like, blood in it, some red, some brownish. I knew it hadn't come from her belly and my guts told me she was ok.... but those damn hormones kicked in and I was a mess. We called our pediatrician (who we had an appointment with for Wednesday) and got the doctor on call. Said it was probably nothing to be concerned about, just keep an eye on her and go ahead and bring her in on Tuesday morning. This brought me no comfort at all. She spit up milk twice and had three dirty diapers in a matter of an hour - hour and half. So my night was spent listening for her breathing, crying, spitting up, whatever noise she might make I listened for it. Waking her for feedings, struggling through those a bit and getting absolutely no sleep at all.

    As soon as it was time we called the doctors office to get an appointment time to take her in. In the mean time Dad had decided to head home (2 days early) and that sent me spinning. I just fell apart. I begged him not to leave, I wasn't ready. I knew it would be hard when he left, but I had prepared myself for Thursday. After the night I'd just had, it was more than I could take. He agreed to leave on Wednesday instead. We got ready for the doctors appointment and had to make the decision for Mom and Dad to go with us or not. We decided not, for the simple fact that Tancy had physical therapy after Lillie's appointment and they would have been miserable waiting. They took a ride and we agreed to meet for lunch.

    At the doctors appointment our pediatrician assured us that it was nothing to worry about, that was actually blood from my nipples, not from her. Just part of the nursing process (and someone couldn't have warned me this might happen?!) and nothing to be concerned about. He was patient with us and answered all of our questions, addressed all of our concerns. They weighed her, she'd lost 2 more ounces, this breaks my heart for some reason. But he assured me this was normal as well and she would pick back up. My milk was already coming in and that would change everything. They took blood to test her jaundice level and we were on our way. I fed her in the parking lot at the doctors office, she was so fussy and hungry. We went on to Tancy's physical therapy and I nursed her again once we got there. She was sacked out after all that and when Tancy was done we headed to meet Mom and Dad for lunch. We got home from lunch and I think, after nursing Lillie again we laid down for a nap. I can't remember to be honest. We decided to go out for dinner since it was Dad's last night here, we wanted to take him to this steak house we'd found that has awesome steaks. It was worth it!! By the time we got home we were all spent and headed to bed fairly early.

    Wednesday morning Mom woke me to tell me Dad was coming in to say bye. That sucked. I understand why he does that... but it is really hard to feel like you don't really get to say bye. It's that half asleep "I love you" and then your eyes roll back in your head. So when you wake up you don't feel like you said it at all. But that's what he needs sometimes and I can understand doing what you need to do. Wednesday ended up being a full day. We went to Wal-Mart to get some things. Thought we'd have time to be home for a bit before hair cuts, but that didn't work out. We came home, Mom & Tancy slung the groceries in the house, put away the cold stuff and we were on our way again. I nursed Lillie while Tancy got her hair cut and eye brows waxed. Mom got a hair cut and by that time I was done nursing. I got my eye brows done and Tancy and Mom proceeded to make a mess changing Lillie's dirty diaper. It was funny. We soon were headed home. I was hurting and worn out. It was too late to nap at that point, but I did veg on the couch. We were in bed fairly early. Finding that having her down by 7:00 was working the best for all of us. She settled in easier and we ended up getting more sleep that way too. Up every 4 hours for feedings wasn't a bad deal either.

    Thursday we'd planned to head out in search of nursing bras. I had bought some cheapies, not sure how well the nursing thing would go and not wanting to spend that money just in case. We found this great (all-be-it expensive) store called the Milky Way in Charlotte. I was able to find bras, both sleeping and regular, to give me proper support. We also got the Ergo carrier we wanted to get with the infant insert so we can use it sooner. Mom and Tancy could have gone wild in there, they picked up 2 hats while we were there as well. I also found some better cream for my poor, sore nipples. By the time we left there I felt like I was going to pass out from hurting so bad. Thankfully we headed home. We got the call that Lillie's jaundice level was good, but our pediatrician wanted to repeat on Friday, no appointment needed. I think I laid down and took a nap, I am really not certain at this point. I know I was hurting pretty badly. I had tried to get out of bed, I think Monday night, with Lillie in my arms because she was fussy and it felt like I pulled something. I know I shouldn't have done that... but when you have a crying child in your arms you are only thinking about soothing them. Thursday night strikes me as uneventful... I think she slept pretty well, we had her in bed early again and as I said, that makes all the difference in the world.

    Friday morning we got up and got ready early. I had my check up with my OB to check my incision. I was going to talk to the lactation consultant there as well. Then we would be stopping at the pediatricians office for another jaundice test and weigh. Another busy day. I was hurting pretty badly, but managed to get ready and get there. I had lost 12 pounds since giving birth (not alot, but when you think about that meaning I was 12 pounds lighter than I was when I got pregnant that seems more significant). My blood pressure was good. My incision looked good as well. The pain was normal. Since I stopped taking anything other than Motrin and Tylenol since I got home from the hospital, I was just going to feel it more. I just can't take the percocet, it makes me too emotional, always has. We talked to the lactation consultant, she basically confirmed what we already knew. I was frustrated with her by the time we left. She was too hyper and didn't listen to what I needed to talk about at all. Oh well, I got to nurse Lillie while we were there, partially at least, and that was something.

    We were off to the pediatrician. She gained 1.5 ounces, yay! That renewed my confidence in myself some. They took her blood and once again I nursed her in the car in the parking lot. Then we stopped to get lunch and headed home. We were expecting Sonia & Heather late afternoon. Then Mandy and Steve were coming and bringing dinner. Tylor and Val were coming as well. I was hurting, tired and feeling overwhelmed. I was also just taking into consideration that Tancy was returning to work in the morning and that hit like a ton of bricks. Then I thought about how late it would be before I got Lillie down and we were just establishing a routine. She doesn't do well up late right now. That will change, but she's just brand new. I wasn't able to take a nap, it was too late and people would be arriving soon. I kept on schedule with nursing and she nursed for more than an hour at 5:30 (normal routine then would be nap, wake at 6:30 for bath, nurse at 7:00 and down for 4 hours). I started getting chills, this isn't going to be good. I cried and basically had a melt down. I didn't want anyone to know. I felt embarassed and badly. I just wanted everyone to go home and for the house to be quiet so I could rest. I know that sounds terrible and I hope that anyone reading this takes everything into consideration. Again, it isn't because I don't appreciate everyone and love them and want to share this with them... but hormones, emotions, pain and exhaustion kicks in at the most inopportune times! Obviously I wasn't going to run everyone off, so I sat in Lillie's room, nursing her, and cried. Tancy came in the check on me, was very concerned for me and tried to buffer as best she could. When Lillie was done nursing, she helped me get to bed. I begged her to not let Lillie cry (although I don't like it when people will just hold a screaming kid and let them cry, this isn't the reason) because every time she cried my milk came in and I was miserable. We decided that I should pump and so she helped me with that. I had the shakes I was so cold. I pumped 4 ounces off of each breast (after more than an hour of nursing her)! Tancy was proud and impressed, I was just miserable. I asked her for an 8:30 curfew... she had to go to work in the morning and Lillie wasn't going to sleep at all. I knew this... I am not sure if she believed me or not.

    Again, being the great friends and family they are, everyone picked up on how badly I felt and made their way home. Heather & Sonia came in to tell me bye first, I think they saw exactly how miserable I was (though I would have preferred for no one to see that). Lauren was next. Mandy was last, she put Lillie to sleep before leaving and came in to check on me. I just wanted Lillie in her pack 'n play and Tancy in bed with me so we could all rest. Mandy was gone before long and Tancy and Lillie came to bed. Lillie hardly slept. She was fussy when Tancy tried to put her down. I nursed her and it took forever to get her settled. When she woke for her next feeding we were up for more than 2.5 hours just trying to get her setttled.... I'm doing all this trying not to keep Tancy up mind you. At her second feeding we were up through time for Tancy to go to work. I nursed her as long as she wanted and then brought her to Mom. I went back to bed. Thankfully for another 4 hours.

    Saturday I spent all day resting. I even took a nap after lunch. I didn't even get out of my pajamas all day. I did brush my teeth! I had managed a shower each day since I had been home and this was the first day I hadn't gotten dressed. It was also the first day I hadn't left the house or done anything other than nurse and take myself to the bathroom. Other than that, I did nothing. Mom went to get a few things after my nap and Lillie and I spent a little time alone together. That was nice, the first time I have had alone with her. Her belly button fell off and I was excited, this meant Tancy would be able to give her a bath! Her very first bath at home! Mom cooked dinner, Tancy got home and got a bath, we ate and then Lillie got her bath. I nursed her and then got my shower and we all went to bed. She slept soundly, I think she woke me up just before the clock to nurse. Took her a while to settle back down, longer than normal.

    At her second feeding, 2:00, she didn't really settle back down. I got up and nursed her on the couch some more then handed her off to Mom and went back to bed after Tancy left and Lillie was full. I slept another 3.5 - 4 hours. I've managed to get dressed and brush my teeth today. LOL. I haven't done much else, blogged for nearly 3 hours at this point. I have a ton of pics, but those will have to wait. Lillie is waking and its time to feed her.

    Love to all!