May 22, 2009

  • Twisted and tired

    Good morning all. It's Friday morning (or for some of you lucky folks its already the weekend) and 5:30. Tancy just left for work and I am going to catch you all up on things from my last blog post and then it's time to get in the shower and get ready for my doctors appointment today.

    I think after my last post I headed back outside and washed down the front porch, steps, sidewalk, etc. I might have blogged about that though... not sure. Either way, that's what happened next in my mind. I came in for a break, couldn't find anything else to do outside, and found an email from Tancy. She was on RN watch and was on the computer. It was good to hear from her, I was lonesome for her. We emailed back and forth a couple of times, it was nice, we haven't had that opportunity since she's been working out there. After talking a bit we decided on Chicken Fried Steak for dinner. Sounded yummy to me. I decided to make home made mashed potatoes to go with... and when I thought about it, I still had a box of Apple Crisp topping to make one of her favorite desserts. We both needed to wrap up the emailing and directly after shutting down the computer I changed my shirt and headed out to the store to get what I needed for dinner.

    Now, let me say, at this point, I have truly enjoyed almost everything about being pregnant. I had my moments in the beginning, with the hernia, and obviously I've had less than thrilling moments throughout; sciatic, hand numbness, constipation, nausea, general aches and pains and feeling huge isn't always fun either. However, those have honestly paled in comparison to the good stuff, feeling her move for the first time, looking pregnant, feeling great emotionally and even basic human interaction (both with family and friends and even with complete strangers). But there is something that makes me belly laugh about being someplace, having this huge belly, no matter what you are dressed like, and people smile that genuine smile at you for waddling and being in your own way and others. Cause you know, if I were this round not pregnant, dressed well or otherwise, people would not smile at me the same way. I have said before, people are even more kind... especially men. It's strange to me in many ways and really nice... too bad people can't all be that nice to everyone.

    Anyway, I went to the store, grabbed what I needed and headed back home. I unloaded everything and decided to check in on Mom. It was about 4:00 at that point and I wasn't sure what time she might leave work or if she drove in or rode with Pops. She was still at work but not for too much longer, we chatted while I got the apples peeled and sliced for apple crisp. It was time for her to head out and once she got on her way, she called me back from the car. I enjoyed our conversation tremendously, I usually do. And as I said in a prior post, I have been missing my family something terrible lately. We had a great conversation, covered our usual gambit of topics and had a few laughs. Before we got off the phone I had gotten the apple crisp ready for the oven, my potatoes for mashin' ready to boil and my chicken fried steak soaking in my milk/egg/seasoning mixture. We got off the phone when she got home and I sat down for a minute to let my leg rest.

    Which is something else that is strange to me. I can be outside, working, like I was most of yesterday morning and my leg doesn't bother me. But let me stand still for 5 - 10 minutes and it is ridiculous how uncomfortable it becomes. What is up with that?! No wonder I can't stay still!! I had seen on facebook where a friend of ours Dad is in ICU so I started trying to get in touch with her. I was unable to get her on the phone, so I left a message to let her know we are here if she needs anything. I got a call back from her partner before long telling me what was going on with him. Please, everyone, say a prayer, keep them in your thoughts, whatever it is that you do in times like these. I don't have an update, but as of last night they were working on the issues they know he has (low blood count, fluid on his lungs and an unknown infection) and searching for the answers they didn't have (why he had fluid on his lungs and what the infection is). I will try to check in with them later this morning. But please keep them in your thoughts.

    I started working on dinner, getting the chicken fried steak going, put the potatoes on to boil and the apple crisp in the oven. I thought I had it timed just right to be piping hot for when Tancy hit the door, but she was a bit later than I expected. It was all still warm, but not as hot as I would have liked. She called at 6:30 on her way, I had just finished everything off expecting her home between 6:30 - 6:45. She got home just at 7:00. We ate pretty well as soon as she hit the door. We caught up on the day and what all we had coming up. I think we both missed each other. I picked up the kitchen, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and turned it on. She fixed us some apple crisp and we had dessert. I showed her where I had moved the bird feeders to and what I had done yesterday. We then headed out to the garden to water the plants. The mosquitos were terrible! I was very surprised. I ended up headed inside once I watered my plants on the deck... it was just too much. After that she took out the trash, I put the bedding in the dryer and we headed to the back both exhausted from too little sleep last night and working soo hard yesterday.

    We got in bed at about 8:30 I guess. I laid there and realized I hadn't done my kick count and suddenly felt panicked. I had felt her move throughout the day, but her activity level wasn't what it normally was.... even for being busy, usually the second I sit down she cuts up. I felt that hot wave of fear hit me and tried to control it. I told Tancy and tried to get Lillie to move. I shook my belly, poked it (which Lillie does NOT like) and had Tancy try as well. I was having Braxton Hicks however that were pretty intense at moments. I didn't get much movement from Lillie. So, I tried to slow my thoughts and remember what they told us in class... Get snack and then lay down. So I got up to get some juice, full of sugar, should do the trick. But I didn't have any. Shit! I went into the pantry and got a thing of canned fruit and drank the juice in it before eating the fruit (I never drink the juice). I don't think, initially, Tancy realized that I was truly worried until I told her that if I didn't have a kick count by 9:30 I was calling the doctor. I ate my snack and then laid down almost flat, Lillie usually will move up a storm when I lay like this. She did move, but the movements weren't as strong or as close together, especially after something so sugary. I ended up with my kick count (took 13 minutes instead of my normal 3) but that didn't seem to ease my mind. I laid in bed and cried not sure what to do. I decided that I should get in the tub, try to calm down, that it was a good possibility that if I was tense she would move less. So I tried that out. It was hard to just relax, even in the tub. Tancy came in and checked on me, tried to ease my mind... I know she felt like she couldn't say anything right... it wasn't that, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I had a moment of levity, that I desperately needed, when I felt something like peeing, but not exactly. I had been in the bathroom with a candle lit, no lights on, so I asked Tancy to turn on the light for me. I needed to see if the water looked different or anything (I am not meaning to be graphic, just lightening the story). Everything looked "ok", though I don't know what the hell I was looking for. Now Tancy was worried, what did it feel like (she's thinking maybe my water broke) I told her like peeing, but I didn't have to pee and I didn't try to pee or anything like that. It was a bit more like a gush of fluid. I tell her that maybe Lillie just pushed on my bladder... and I giggled... how can you unintentionally pee yourself in the tub without realizing that's what happened and not find humor in that?! So, needless to say that ended any "soaking" I might have done. However, this did shake me out of that fear mode I was in before. I got in bed, again went back to what they told us in class... If you don't get 10 kicks in 2 hours you should call your doctor. So I started the time at the last kick from my kick count, I got another snack (realizing that I had truly only had dinner to eat all day) and a bottle of water (I also had not had enough water all day). I had a whole bottle of water and a small snack of peanuts (I'd had sugar, but needed some protein). I then got comfy in bed and tried to just relax. It took a bit longer than normal, but I got 10 kicks within that 2 hours so I gave myself a pep talk and tried to sleep.

    I didn't sleep well, but I did sleep. I was up often making potty runs, that whole bottle of water before sleep was a fabulous idea!! Who am I kidding?! I didn't get up any more than I normally do. I was hot most of the night and just slept in fits. Makes for a long night. When Tancy's alarm clock went off I felt like I had just settled in for the night. I finally drug my sorry ass out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make coffee, run through the morning routine with the pups and make Tancy a sandwich for lunch. Got all that done and sat down on the couch to catch the morning news... same routine, different day.

    So far this morning all I have had is my coffee, but that's about to change. I am going to find something good to eat for me and Lillie here in just a minute and have a big glass of water (or probably one of our water bottles full). I have had a little clarity this morning and this is what I think happened yesterday: I had a bit of cottage cheese around 11:00 and some crackers with dip around 3:30, that's all I had to eat all day long. I had a cup of coffee yesterday morning and then a 20 oz. coke that I nursed all day, and that's all I had to drink. So I didn't have nearly enough of anything. Most importantly I didn't have enough water. When we ate dinner I had one of the smaller steaks, a decent helping of potatoes and a bottle of water... but when that's all I had all day... it isn't much. So, today I intend to do better, eat more real food and drink water. My doctors appointment is at 9:10, so before long I will be getting ready for that. I will talk to the doctor about yesterday, just for good measure and ask what the guidelines are for concern with regard to her activity.

    Today I think I will take it a little easier. I don't think that my physical activity has been harmful to her in any way, but I just feel the need to slow it down today. So I am going to listen to what my body is telling me there and slow it down. There's nothing that needs to be done today. Tancy wants left overs from last night for dinner tonight, so I don't even have to worry about dinner. I do have to go by Wal-Mart today to get a few items and then I'll come home and chill out. I'll also keep water with me and make sure to eat today. I didn't mean not to eat yesterday, I just didn't get hungry, so I didn't think about it. Can't do that again though, just being that worried isn't good for me.

    Ok kids. I need to sign off of here, get a bite for breakfast and then get in the shower. I am doing well today and little Miss Lillie has been moving good this morning, so no worries. I hope that you all have a fantastic day today and a wonderful holiday weekend! I am sending all of you my love and positive energy, send some back my way if you get half a chance, I could use the replenishing.

    Love to all!