January 3, 2009

  • Same headache, different day

    Good morning all. It is currently 5:45 on Saturday morning and I have barely slept. I slept in what could only be described as fits and tried to go back to sleep after making Tancy's coffee. I ended up getting up and having a cup with her.

    My head seemed to be absent of the head splitting pain when I woke up yesterday morning. I was so thankful. I went through my usual email, blog, balance the checkbook routine and then decided to get out of the house for a while. I headed to the tag office to renew our license plates, got a small bite of lunch and then to the book store. I guess it was around 11:00ish when I left the house. My head was already starting to hurt. At first I thought it might only be that rebound headache... the kind you get after having a really terrible headache... and was determined to push through it. I spent a bit of time in the book store and a bit more money and by the time I left there I could feel my eyes becoming incredibly sensitive to the light. I made a bee line for the house (around 1:15) and by that time discomfort was becoming misery.

    I wanted to look something up on the computer (I've been trying to wear my glasses more, thankfully, or I probably would be in worse shape) and then started on one of the books I got at Books-A-Million. "Tell No One" I don't remember the author right now and am not going to look. I think it's Cohen, but I can't be sure. Anyway, reading seems like a really bad idea, but somehow it took my mind off of my headache and it seemed more manageable. When I would put the book down, the pain would seer through my skull, so I didn't put the book down much. When Tancy called me to say she was on her way home I asked her to just pick something up... my stomach was revolting against the pain and I had felt nauseous all day practically. I had tried to clean the kitchen before I left, but the smell of sour kraut made me want to hurl. I didn't care if I ate, I just didn't want her to have to come home and scrounge around for something. I told her I loved her, but there was a ringing or pitch in the phone that was unbearable, I would talk to her when she got home.

    She brought me a chicken sandwich from Burger King. I ate half and that was all I could do. We talked, she caught me up on her day, checked out the "My first Encyclopedia: Animals" book I had picked up for the baby (a breast cancer group was selling them to raise money to help women who can't afford mammograms and screenings get the care they need) and I caught her up on my day. Soon we were off to bed. I kept on reading, she watched TV till she fell asleep. I couldn't put the book down. It was really good. I like suspense, thrillers, mystery, never been one for girlie books or even romance... it was good to find a book again that was so good I didn't want to put it down. It just sucked me in. It was 10:51 when I read the last line and put the book away. As soon as I closed the book, I felt that splitting pain again. I turned off the light and tried breathing through it, I tried to focus on something else, anything else... but when the veins in the side of your head feel as if they are pumping molten iron, its really hard to focus on anything else. The cold of the room hurt against my skin on that (the right) side of my head, so I tried to keep that side on my pillow. My left is more comfortable for me... so you can see how I now really am going to have difficulty sleeping. Around 11:24 I took a Tylenol PM (just one, they really knock me on my ass for some reason). By 12:00 I had experienced little to no relief. 

    I was near tears, I wanted to wake Tancy and ask her to hold my hand, or me, or something... I just wanted some comfort. But I wouldn't wake her. I knew how exhausted she was. Plus, though it would have been comfort, it would have been emotional, not physical and I just couldn't sacrifice her rest for that. I would occasionally reach for her and touch her, but did my best not to wake her. I don't know when some relief started to creep in, I would imagine some place between 12:30 and 1:00. I will tell you that I felt like I was completely awake when her alarm went off around 5:00. I got up made coffee and told her I was going back to bed and of the night I'd had. She obviously understood. But I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up and had a cup of coffee with her before she left for work.

    The side of my head feels as if I have been burned under the flesh, tender and sore and hot. The nerve or muscle that runs down your neck on the right side, kind of behind and under your ear, feels like it has been drawn up all night and it near spasm of some sort... very tender. I realize today is Saturday, but if I don't get rid of this fucking (pardon the language) headache today I don't know what I will do. I am that near my breaking point. I cannot physically manage another day like the last two (yesterday being the very worst). My head is sore, but I can't tell if it is that way because the headache is now gone and all those previously tense parts are just exhausted... or if I am on the brink of another round with this monster. I will, most certainly, call in to my OB's office if it comes back. The doctor on call can at least tell me what other medication options I have outside of the Tylenol PM. But I am telling you, I believe I will lose my mind if I have to battle it again today... I will, at the very least curl up in a dark space and cry until I sleep (even though I try really hard not to cry with a headache because it only ever makes it worse).

    Sound like a desperate woman? I am!

    Anyway! So today I am going to take some friends of ours little girl her Christmas present and birthday card, the one friend her birthday card and visit with them for a minute. I have been craving that human connection in the past few days. I don't know if it is the slack time after the holiday madness, pregnancy hormones, Tancy's schedule or what to say is the root cause (or a combination of everything) but I am making every effort to not hold up in the house. Even with the headache yesterday, I feel like my emotions would have been very frayed if I hadn't gotten out of the house.

    We didn't get to go look at the aquarium lights last night. The people who have them had to reschedule. We will go look tonight. Also, I am still waiting on te lady with the breast pump to get back to me. I am considering contacting another one of the posters who was very prompt in responding. It isn't that there's so much pressure to get it now... its just, when people have something for sale and you contact them regarding it... but can't get them to get back with you to check it out and possibly buy their item(s), makes you wonder (in general). I prefer to deal with someone who wants to sell the item they have posted.

    Ok. It seems I have written quite alot and almost all of it is about my headache! LOL. Think I am completely preoccupied by that?!

    I hope that you all have a great Saturday. I have to keep reminding myself it is Saturday. Seems weird when Tancy is at work.. but I guess that is one of those things I have to get used to. Shift work! It pays the bills, I can't complain. Anyway, enjoy your weekend. Some will just be returing to work on Monday from the Christmas holiday, for some you've already been back. Either way, a day off is always a welcome sight.

    I am sending you all my positive energy and love today. Hope you can feel it a million miles away.

    Love to all!