May 7, 2011
-
A new day
Today is certainly a new day. I am still feeling a little stressed about things, but overall, I am much better.
Yesterday was fraught with stress over money. We had to order sperm ($800) and medicines ($300)… plus put the money aside for appointments ($60 each) and the IUI itself, ($275). Then I thought I lost one of my meds ($100 bottle of medicine) and nearly lost my mind. I called Tancy in, frantic, to help me find it. She saved me from myself, all but went right to it (when I had looked there three times already). Then I fell apart… we didn’t have another $100 to throw at medicine AND I needed to start taking it yesterday… I gave myself a minute, talked to Tancy about how much money we spent and what that meant for the next two weeks (till next pay day) for us. I feel responsible for our finances, when they are good or bad… since I manage the bills and take care of the household. So, when things aren’t as good as I would like, or we have to spend a chunk of change, I take that on. Thankfully, Tancy is the wonderful person she is and she eases my concerns and assures me that we will get through it.
Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the love and support of family and friends. I am thankful for having said $1500 to give it one more shot. I am thankful for the wonderful, loving, supportive partner I have. I am thankful for the beautiful daughter who reminds me every day of all I have to be thankful for. I am thankful for the opportunity to try once more.
Tancy and I talked, this try may or may not be the end for us… we have decided that IF we don’t get pregnant this time, we will take some time off, get some distance from the emotional aspect, and make a decision. This decision will be final. We cannot try indefinitely, we both agree. But I don’t think that either of us are ready to say that this is the end. For me, just knowing its open for discussion takes some of the pressure off. I think relieving that pressure alone is a good thing. I also think, if we aren’t pregnant this next try, the break will be good, give us time to get perspective and to put some money aside. I am hopeful that this try will be the one. I am every month.
Right now, Yo Gabba Gabba is on, it’s loud and I’m having trouble concentrating. Sigh. Guess trying to write, in the living room with everyone else isn’t such a great idea. LOL. It’s at least something I have to train myself to block out! I will probably have to help Tancy to consider me unavailable while I write as well. LOL. It is going to be a learning experience for all of us. But I think it is good for me to do something for myself. And it will be good, for everyone, if I am not always available.
Now, on to something different. You all know, by now, that I am trying to blog more… a catharsis of sorts for me. However, it’s also an effort to get my creative juices flowing again and keep my brain from turning to mush. I am going to do my best to change the topic from baby making and meds and money on to different things. I have said before, it will be strictly my opinion and I will most likely contradict myself. LOL. I used to write alot, passionately, about many things… most people have not been exposed to my writing as it was typically kept away in a note book. But over the last few years I have been encouraged to write more by people close to me. So I’m gonna give it a try and see what happens.
Any ideas on topics? I have a few, but I am a little leery of a few of them. I don’t want to jump into controversial topics right off the bat. I have no clue who is reading this presently, not that I want to tailor my writing to anyone mind you. I guess I’m surprised to not have gotten any feedback so far. Maybe that is my fault from my first blog back… I didn’t mean to squelch any dialogue, simply to express that I wasn’t open to negativity (criticism of my feelings). I am good with a healthy debate and even to disagree. I hope to be respectful in what I write and I hope that any comments will be respectful as well.I think that’s all for me today kids. I’m having some focus issues. LOL. So I’m going to spend the day enjoying my family. I hope you all have a great day today. Love to all.
