June 12, 2009

• Bubble on center

  Good morning all, I hope this finds everyone doing well. It’s Friday, that usually cheers everyone up a bit.

  So yesterday was a tough day for me. I already posted my blog trying to find a release and figure some things out for myself. Also, because ya’ll know I can’t tell a lie, when I was asked I told the truth about how I was and received a ton of love and support from family and friends and my facebook peeps. I greatly appreciate that and believe that all that positive energy and love helped to make a difference.

  After I blogged I just worked on calming myself, listening to my inner voice and keeping my headache under control. I was in bed around 8:30. It felt good just to lay in bed, get comfortable and do nothing. There wasn’t anything on TV so it was really easy to zone out. I don’t think I was asleep before 11:00 – 11:30 but when I went to sleep it was sound. I think I woke up twice in the nice, 1:15 and 4:00. I couldn’t tell ya why or how, but I know with absolute certainty that when I woke up at 4:00 I felt like a different woman. I didn’t have the anxious feeling, I didn’t feel all twisted and pent up. I didn’t feel any dread or apprehension. I just felt calm. This all made me smile and I climbed back in bed and slept some more.

  When Tancy got home I told her that I felt much better. We talked for a bit. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to go back to sleep or not… it just works that way sometimes. I encouraged her to go to sleep, she’s got to be up by 10:00 so that’s not alot of time to rest! I laid there with her and held her hand or put my fingers in her hair. I just enjoyed that she was in bed with me. I slept lightly, but it was the sweetest sleep I’ve had in a while. That’s the only word I know to use, sweet. It wasn’t that deep, sound sleep. It wasn’t hard sleep. It wasn’t fitful sleep. It was sweet… make any sense?

  So I’ve been up about 20 minutes and I can tell you, at this moment and hopefully going forward from here, my bubble is on center again. I have regained my perspective. She will be here. She’s healthy and doing well. I am not in any pain or at any risk. She isn’t in any danger either. That is so much to be thankful for! I know that there are people who would give anything to be where I am at right now in a pregnancy. I have no concerns and no reason to be stressed. Now, there’s no accounting for hormones and the ways they can screw with you. But at this point my mind is right where it should be.

  Today will be a full day. At 10:00 I need to get Tancy up. We’ll get ready and head out to her physical therapy appointment at 11:00. At 1:00 we will be at the doctors office for some blood work and a general “check up”. Then we need to run a quick errand or two before heading over to Mandy’s for what will essentially be three birthday parties: Ms. Sue (16th), Tylor (15th) and Zack (11th). We will no doubt be over there a while. Maybe I can even get a walk in while we are there. The walking really does feel good to me… it’s just hard to do by myself and for long (my hands just swell so painfully). Not to mention the road there is much flatter than it is here, we’ve got a hell of a hill right at the base of the driveway… takes my breath right off the bat. So, full day? Yup. But it will be a good one when it is all said and done. I am happy to spend some time with family. And I am elated to have Tancy home. I wont say that having her home doesn’t play into my better view of things. She’s always a part of the solution, whatever the problem is.

  Saturday will be another busy day. Lauren’s graduation is at 9:00, that’s right, in the freakin’ morning!! I cannot believe that. I mean, honestly, most of those kids are still gonna be buzzin’ from all the partying you do around graduation. You couldn’t wait till 11:00?! If it’s raining there will only be 4 seats, so we will just have to wait and see if we can go or not. But after graduation is the graduation party at Mandy’s. So we will be over there fairly early either way. I imagine we wont leave from there till I am just done in. Lauren will leave around 6:00 to go to the beach (a topic of some controversy I must say), so we wont be leaving before then.

  Sunday, to my knowledge, there isn’t anything planned… but that just means we will spend some time with Tancy’s Mom and Zack. Whether we are at Mandy’s or come up with something else. Either way, it is certain to be another day of activity. I can’t imagine a day, from this point forward, sitting home with nothing doing like I have all week. That’s good though… I just can’t do that at this point. I told ya’ll I couldn’t sit still…. see what happened when I did?! LOL.

  Mom will be here Monday. I am so looking forward to that. They are in Georgia right now to celebrate Marlie’s 1st birthday (17th). I wish I was there. If I didn’t think it was just a really dumb thing to do, traveling 6.5 hours away from home 39+ weeks pregnant I’d be on my way. I miss them all. I miss Marlie. I would love to be there to celebrate with all of them. But, that would be insanity, so I wont do it. I’ll just have to be thankful, and I am, that Mom will be here on Monday. Dad will be here on Friday (the 19th). So, like I said, I wont have a problem keeping busy and occupied between now and when ever Lillie decides to come. I’ve gotten closer to making my peace with saying how ever she gets here as well. Ultimately all that really matters is that she’s healthy and we both do well during and after labor. If I have to be induced it is because that is what our doctor feels is the best thing for the both of us. We like her because she’s a good doctor… and even if it isn’t my ideal circumstance, I have to trust her decision on that… and I do. So. Working on making my peace fully on that. I am closer than I was.

  Well kids. I think that’s all I got. You already knew our schedule for the next few days. But I thought I’d use it to illustrate how much better my perspective is this morning. I love you all for being so supportive and loving. I don’t know what I would do without each and every one of you. I hope you all have a great weekend. I intend to.

  Love to all!
  

  • 9:17 am
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