July 21, 2008
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Insomnia sucks!
So this is my second blog for the night. It’s 10:53 now. Still not terribly late but I am more than ready to be asleep. I have a headache. “Two Coreys” is on A&E right now. What a ridiculous show! I can’t believe they are getting paid for this crap!!
There are so many things going on in my head. The first of which is thinking about ovulation tests. I really want it to not take so long this month, however, I just want it to happen.
** Warning: This blog will be full of conflicting thoughts. **
I don’t know who reads this blog, I know for certainty that Mom & Dad, Aunt Jan and Tonya read it (because I see where they have read it). I think Casie reads it, though I know she’s got a plate full, so its not as often. I believe Tancy’s Mom and Dad read it, I don’t know how often because they don’t have a xanga log in… yet. Missy reads it when she has a chance and so does Angie (they have log ins). Outside of that, I don’t know who reads it. Sure, its a great way to keep up with what is going on with us… but I also ramble alot. LOL. I don’t know what those who read it think of it and to be honest I don’t worry about that. I can, however, hope that what I write is more than just self-absorbed garbage. I enjoy reading others blogs. I think you learn alot about people when they are writing to no one in particular. So, I hope you enjoy… even when I ramble.
Tancy and I were talking about our government today. We sometimes do that, especially with an election on the horizon. We disagree with so many things the United States has become, I sometimes wonder why we live here. There are many other options, and most of them allow us to legally marry. The answer is simple, our family. The more interesting part of our discussion was what we have in fact become. We talk of defending rights, protecting the innocent, righting wrongs and preventing injustice. We are suppose to be a democracy. But none of those things ring true to me. The way I see it is we take away rights, harm the innocent, cause many wrongs and are terribly unjust. I could go into why I think all these things, but I think xanga would just shut down from the overload. Haha! We are so far from a democracy right now its really quite funny, when it doesn’t piss ya off! Our country is run by businessmen, millionaires, big business. That isn’t a democracy. I never can remember all the types of government, fascism comes to mind, but I don’t know if that is right – a government run by money.
I also think it is a sick, sad world when actors, singers and ball players make more money than people who teach our children and risk their own lives to save/protect ours. In what world is that right? I don’t believe that everyone should make the same amount of money no matter what they do… don’t misunderstand. I just think it is jacked up that we value entertainment more than our children’s education or those who vow to protect and serve. Am I the only one who feels this way?
I have decided that I am feeling disconnected, the best thing I can do for myself is find a quiet clearing in the woods, lay down on the ground and look up. It can be day or night though I prefer night. Just be quiet and listen. Hear the joy in the birds song, hear Natures heart beat in all of the sounds that surround you in the quiet. Grasshoppers, crickets, locusts, frogs, birds, and every other rhythmic sound. If it is night, there is the benefit of all the beautiful stars twinkling quietly above. I know that is why I felt so much better after being in the woods this weekend. There’s something about all those things that forces you to slow your pace down to where it should be and just reconnect.
Ah, another thing running through my head. We found the aquarium that Tancy wants (125 gallon) for $50. A steal! But, it doesn’t come with a stand. So I was thinking about building one myself! Crazy, right?! So, I am working out how to do that in my head. Wow, the things that the brain stirs up when avoiding sleep!
We are thinking about getting rid of Lucky. The lassoed lizard (bearded dragon). He is a little ornery and I get easily intimidated. He should be some place where people aren’t intimidated by him. We will see what happens. I don’t like to get a pet and then get rid of it because it wasn’t what I expected. It breaks my heart when people do it with dogs. So, I will have to ponder on that some more.
I have turned into quite the animal lover as I have gotten older. Maybe I always was. I am not sure about that. But I surely am now. I love our puppies. Sure, I want them to hush and be still sometimes, but I love them. I can’t imagine not having them.
I have come to realize that I have never wanted anything more than I want to be a Mom. I have always known it, but I think I figured that I just hadn’t found what I loved to do. But that isn’t it. I know in my heart and soul that I will be a good Mom. I know I want to be a Mom. I like taking care of people I love. I enjoy being a “house wife” and hope to be able to continue through with “stay at home Mom” because I know I will enjoy that as well. Later in life, I am sure there will be paths lighted before me, showing me the way… but right now, this moment in time, I was made to be a Mom. I think being a parent is the most important thing a person will ever do. Hands down. I hope it happens for us soon. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it.
One of our friends Heather paints. Tancy talked to her this weekend about painting a mural in the babies room when the time comes. She said she would love to. That will be awesome! I hope to find an older chest of drawers for the room. I want to paint one side in the chalk board paint (I used to love writing on my chalk board) and probably paint the rest of it to match the room. We’ve also talked about putting some of the dry erase board stuff up on one wall eventually.
Oh how I wish I could sleep. It’s now midnight, I have been typing and surfing the web simultaneously. This really blows! Tancy will be up for work in about 5.5 hours, and so will I, whether I slept or not. I have no idea what to do. I have no idea why I can’t sleep. I haven’t had any caffeine since coffee this morning. Ugh!
Ok, I am going to shut this down and sneak back to bed. Wish me luck!
Love to all!
Me
